Batman: The Nemesis Bet
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Late one night, in a forgotten bar, the villains of Batman bet to undo their famous foe before the others do.
A written action/adventure script, intended as a home movie. |
Scene – Gotham city, nighttime, cityscape
A typical night in Gotham city: the streets are thick with the rushing populace as they strive to get home, hurry to parties, or on patrol. A bustling nightlife of crime in question. For Gotham, the question is when and who. On patrol tonight are uniformed police officers, undercover cops, and one who is both undercover and uniformed, but neither. Batman, the crime-fighting hero and legend in his own time, scans the city from above it's skyscrape. Punching in his own clock, he swings to the streets below to do his thankless job.
Scene – Outside “The Castaways” Bar, nighttime
From the street we see a car pull into the parking lot. Three men get out, all wearing long overcoats, but one larger than the others. One of the smaller men wears white and the other wears black. They approach the door and one of them opens it for the others.
Scene – Inside “The Castaways” Bar, from the front counter
A single light from above casts a lonely light on a single table in the back of the bar. Sitting around it are a trio of well dressed, and tired, gamblers. The dealer, clad in a happy purple, deals a sad set of cards to himself, a richly dressed jester in red and black, and an opulent, elegant gentleman dressed in a black tuxedo with long tails.
The new arrival speaks quickly with the bartender, who instructs them to the back. The larger of the three approaches the back while the other stands close by.
Scene – Inside “The Castaways” Bar, the back's gambling parlor
The dealer's face is covered by a large, wide brimmed, purple hat. He stops dealing as the new arrival approaches but flips the cards in his own hands. He speaks kindly to the new arrival while he takes off his overcoat.
Joker: Greetings, friend. Care to pull up a chair and join us?
He now looks up and we see his bleached-white face, grass-green hair, yellow-stained teeth, and maniacally wild eyes. He now speaks in threatening tones.
Joker: Or are you betting on more than you bargained for?
The new arrival pulls up a chair and drops into it. He is also wearing a well dressed, two-tailored suit: white on one side and black on the other. His face is equally two-toned: one side the handsomely groomed Harvey Dent and the other side the vicious-looking, acid-burned gargoyle of the gangster Two-Face.
Two Face: Quit the chatter, clown, and deal the deck.
He plops down in his chair as the Joker continues his dealing. Behind him, the front door opens again and two people enter.
Joker: The game's blackjack, gents. Ace's are high and as always, the Joker is wild.
To the Joker's right, the lady laced in gambling roulette's red and black, pipes up.
Harley Quinn: Ain't you always, Mr. J.
Joker: Only for you, Harley.
The other well groomed, well dressed gentleman at the table, now speaks up as he rearranges the cards in his hand as he peers through his large, glass optical.
Penguin: A nest of feathers, you've dealt me, Joker.
Harley Quinn: Hey! No fair blamin' The J! He's just an honest crook, like the rest of us.
Two Face: Not nearly honest enough.
Penguin: Well put, my dual visaged friend.
Behind them, Two Face's two bodyguards try to intervene with the approaching newcomers, only to fall before their blows. Penguin quickly raises his cocked umbrella while Two Face pulls twin guns; one a silvery tin and the other a plastic black. The two newcomers step into the light and shed their nighttime wardrobes; one a forest green and the other rich furs.
Poison Ivy: Put away the pieces, boys. Their insulting my demeanor.
Catwoman: We've only come to sample the saucers of your company.
Two Face and the Penguin slide their weapons back into their holsters as the women take chairs at the table; Catwoman between Two Face and Penguin with Poison Ivy between Harley Quinn and Two Face.
Two Face: The game's already full, red.
Penguin: Not to mention I'm allergic to cat hair.
Catwoman: Only if it's still attached to its wearer.
Poison Ivy: Hope we're getting on your good side.
Two Face looks to Catwoman and then to Poison Ivy as he speaks.
Two Face: Neither one of you is on my good side.
Joker holds up his hands.
Joker: Ladies, gentlemen, please. This is a friendly game. We're only here to enjoy the quiet solitude of a game of cards.
The Penguin points to his cards.
Penguin: Is that what you call this hand?
Under his breath, Joker mumbles.
Joker: Everyone's a critic.
Harley Quinn suddenly jumps up and aims a giant pop gun at the whole table.
Harley Quinn: Everyone just back off! Mr. J's just dealing the cards. You wanna cry to the sky, then take your blame to the Bat.
Everyone at the table suddenly begins griping under their breaths.
Joker: You said it Harl. Now sit down and put your pee-shooter away, before you scare all the nice hooligans.
Penguin: The only scare at this table thus far is the unwanted mention of that overly protective, winged wannabe.
Two Face: I don't want to hear about any Bat at this table.
Poison Ivy: Scared of a little competition, Harvey?
He glares at her with his acid-scared face, growling.
Two Face: Why don't you say that to my good face?
Poison Ivy: I would if you had one.
Catwoman: I'm tired of getting declawed by that over arrogant, self serving, justice-handling, cop-for-free.
Joker: Come now, Batman's not so bad. He's actually quite nice... in a bodybag kind of a way.
Riddler's voice: Now that's a game worth playing.
Once again the guns come into play and even Harley Quinn pulls out her oversized pop gun as well as everyone spins around to see the Riddler standing there and Mr. Freeze coolly enter the room.
Joker: Is there an open invitation I'm simply not aware of?
Riddler: If there is, then I accept.
He pulls up a chair and sits between Joker and Penguin. When Penguin is not looking he steals his cards. And unknowing to him, Penguin lets him. Mr. Freeze enters into the room.
Mr. Freeze: I'd personally like to see that Bat wing put on ice... for good.
Mr. Freeze slides into position between Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn. Poison Ivy looks over Two Face's shoulder at his cards. He is collecting all 2's.
Poison Ivy: To bad that's not in the cards.
Joker thinks for only a brief moment and then draws a thin, evil grin across his face.
Joker: Well, why not?
The table stops to stare at him. Joker leans in to speak to them all.
Joker: Why are we betting for peanuts when we could be gambling for the greatest joke of them all?
Poison Ivy: And that would be?
Joker: Betting against Batman.
There is a brief moment of silence as each of the villains drink in this new information.
Penguin: And what, pray tell, are you suggesting, my paling, jester?
Joker: We each have a pet peeve on the dratted Bat and his overpowering sense of justice and goodwill. I say we pit our minds and talents against his right of decency. We each create our own bet against that do-gooder and the first one to succeed, wins.
Riddler: A puzzle with a challenge, no doubt.
Two Face: What're the odds?
Joker: Create your bet and I'll give you the odds. The more impossible the bet, the better the odds. Here's an example – the Bat freak has never laughed at any of my jokes.
Harley Quinn: Hey!
Joker: Ok, OUR jokes. We make the Bat laugh, that'll be 5 to 1 odds.
Two Face points at Joker from across the table.
Two Face: Make the bet without your laughing gas, clown, or it's no bet at all.
Both Harley and Joker frown.
Harley Quinn: Do we hafta, boss?
Joker: Why not! It's all in the spirit of fun, after all.
Behind their backs both Joker and Harley Quinn have their fingers crossed.
Joker: Without the gas, 10 to 1 odds.
Penguin: I've sung enough warbles from my own jail cells to summon a flock of penguins from the Artic. I'd like to witness that Bat-brain trapped in a cage of his own for once.
Joker: 12 to 1 odds.
Two Face: I've always wanted to see the other face of the Batman. I'll bring back his mask and his real identity along with it.
This gains an “oooh” from the table.
Joker: That's never been done before. 15 to 1 odds.
Two Face: I didn't say alive.
Joker: Now you're getting into the spirit of things! 20 to 1 odds!
Poison Ivy's fist clenches into a fist.
Poison Ivy: The blood soil of too many of my plants are on his hands. I want to trim his hedge.
She makes a cutting motion across her neck.
Poison Ivy: If you take my meaning.
Joker: If you can pull that off I'll mirror the same odds as Harvey Two Face.
Catwoman: He's got enough toys and gems on that belt of his. I'll help increase your odds, Ivy.
Joker: A bit lame, but ok. 3 to 1 odds.
Catwoman: I'm in it for the win, not for the glory.
Mr. Freeze mechanically interrupts.
Mr. Freeze: I propose what I have said. To put him on ice.. permanently.
Joker: Already suggested, Popsicle-boy, so I'll match your odds as well. 20 to 1.
Riddler: I believe I can beat your odds, Ivy, Ice, and Two Face. I wager that I can make Batman become the greatest puzzle of all – by forcing him to kill someone else.
The jaws on the table pop open at this ludicrous suggestion.
Joker: Are you offering yourself in that position?
Riddler: I am offering no one other than his own Boy Wonder, the thorn in the Bat's side, Robin.
Again, the jaws remain drop.
Joker: Well done! 50 to 1 odds!
Two Face: Easier said that done. If you can get that close, why not just pop the Bat himself?
Riddler: Because, my dual-sided mirage, to have Batman destroy someone else would force him to destroy himself.
Two Face: He's a frame of shattered glass either way. I say we just kill him and be done with it.
Joker: And ruin all our fun? Nonsense! We all have our wagers. The ones to make it back here before the break of day with their bet paid in full will win our jackpot!
Harley Quinn: But boss, how're we gonna get ol' stone face to crack?
Joker: With talent, my dear Harley! And a bit of luck, so let's get crackin'!
The two of them stand up and start to put on their overcoats. Penguin turns to Two Face.
Penguin: The two feathered doves have a point, my dual sided companion. Two odds are better than one.
Two Face: What are you saying, bird brain?
Penguin: We pool our resources. I trap the Bat and you muscle the cowl off his head.
Two Face pulls his coin from his coat.
Two Face: I'll flip you for it. Good heads, yes, bad heads, forget it.
As he goes to flip for it Riddler also stands up to swing on his coat.
Riddler: Gentlemen and ladies, a pleasure. I look forward to seeing you all back here tomorrow night, to share in the victory of my winnings.
As she starts to walk out the Penguin pretends to accidentally bump into him. Mr. Freeze also stands and simply walks out, without saying a word to anyone. Joker notices and speaks to Harley. Catwoman and Poison Ivy are still sitting.
Joker: Sheesh. As frosty as an artic tundra...
Harley Quinn: That's why they call him Mr. Freeze, Mr. J.
Joker looks at her with a confused stare.
Joker: You have an uncanny way of confusing me, Harl.
Harley Quinn: Thanks, J!
Two Face turns to Penguin, his coin on the right side of things.
Two Face: You got a deal, bird.
He walks away and collects his two thugs. He speaks to them.
Two Face: And when he's not looking, he'll get what's coming to him. And then I'll get what's coming to me.
Unawares, Penguin heard every word.
Penguin: On the contrary, I'll be the bird to fly away with all the winnings... even yours.
He shows the wallet he plucked from the Riddler and pockets it. He then quickly waddles after Two Face to catch up, umbrella in hand. Catwoman and Poison Ivy look to each other.
Catwoman: An idea already, red?
Poison Ivy: Yes. Follow that two-faced Harvey and that flat-footed feather-duster. When they fail, we'll be there to lure the Bat to our own garden of terror.
They both chuckle as the Joker finishes putting on his hat and turns to the camera, monstrous smile gleaming.
Joker: This will be a night to remember.
Scene – Gotham police station HQ
Above the city scape's sky, the famous Bat signal is lit, a sure indication of trouble. The Caped Crusaders, Batman and Robin, both swing down to see what is going on. A single cop stands next to the sign. They land and Batman pulls his cape around himself to protect him from the cold of the night.
Batman: Where's Commissioner Gordon?
Officer Montoya: That's why I wanted to call you. He's been kidnapped.
Robin: Any takers?
Officer Montoya: Old friends of yours. The clown and his lady puppet. They're being held...
The Joker and Harley Quinn's story
Scene – outside an abandoned fun house warehouse
We hear the voice of Officer Montoya as the scene pans to a run-down, old warehouse that appears to be deserted.
Officer Montoya's voice: ...at the old FunTacular storage facility. Said to come alone.
Batman and Robin both swing down to the old entrance just to hear the Joker's voice coming from a speaker on the outside of the warehouse. The speaker breaks into his famous horrendous laugh.
Batman: Let the Commissioner go, clown.
Joker's voice: Batman and the Boy Wonder, welcome to a fun filled night of laughter, comedy...
Harley Quinn's voice: And more Hail Mary's than a bus load of puns!
Joker's voice: You said it, Harley.
Behind him they hear the Commissioner's voice.
Commissioner Gordon's voice: You'll never get away with this, Joker!
Joker's voice: Harley, the Commissioner's not playing nice. Let's give him something hearty to eat, with lots of fiber. Like that rope, there!
Harley Quinn's voice: It's good for ya, so eat up!
Commissioner Gordon muffles some complaints as he gets gaged.
Joker: So come on inside, Bats for Brains, enjoy the fun, and feel free to laugh out loud... or you'll never see your Commissioner Gordon again...
At that point the door opens on it's own, allowing the two inside as the Joker breaks forth into another insidious laugh.
Batman: Watch yourself.
Robin: And that's no joke.
They enter into the warehouse and the door slams shut.
Scene – inside the abandoned fun house warehouse
Lights start to come up around the Caped Crusaders, showing their surroundings. They are surrounded by old, abandoned fun house equipment, parts, rides, toys and tools. It appears to be a big mess.
Robin: This place is a maze. How will we ever find them?
Batman: To the Joker, that is the joke.
In front of them a tv lights up with Joker's pasty mug smiling in the screen.
Joker: Greetings, caped guests! Welcome to The Joker's comedy hour! The first and only network dedicated to the best of the Joker's side splitting jokes, chuckles, guffaws, and gags!
We hear a pre-recorded tape of canned applause. Harley Quinn then sticks her face in front of the camera to cut him off.
Harley Quinn: Emphasis on the gags!
She sticks her finger in her mouth, pretending to gag, before disappearing off the screen again. We hear a pre-recorded tape of canned laughter.
Joker: And speaking of gags...
The camera pans over to see Commissioner Gordon, bound and gagged in a chair. Harley Quinn's 2 hyenas are both growling at the Commissioner's feet, tight on their chains. Now it's the Joker's face that appears into the camera.
Joker: The Commissioner is playing better already! Ha!
We hear a pre-recorded tape of canned cheering. From outside the camera we hear Harley Quinn.
Harley Quinn: Better participating then perspirating!
We hear a pre-recorded tape of canned laughter. The Joker doesn't look to happy.
Joker: Just handle the camera, Harl.
Suddenly, he's all smiles again.
Joker: So, follow the sound of the smiles to the rope-bound feet of your dear Commissioner Gordon. And there's a reason why it's called The Joker's Comedy Hour – you have until then before we get permanent smiles from all our participants today! So, until then, heeeears Harley!
We hear a pre-recorded tape of canned applause.
Batman: Come on!
Robin follows Batman as he runs past the tv as the camera pans over to Harley Quinn.
Harley Quinn: And speaking of perspiration...
Scene - inside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Harley Quinn: The Penguin eats so much fish the natural supplement company's want to bottle his sweat and sell it as fish oil!
We hear a pre-recorded tape of canned laughter. Joker is looking down and out of the hidden, 2 way glass mirror, to the maze below where the Caped Crusaders are running like twin dark rats in a long, long maze.
Joker: Come and get me, you grim night watchman. Gimme a grin.
Scene - outside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Down below our heroes run on, looking for a sign to the Commissioner's location. Two thugs come out from behind a tall stack of boxes, both wielding weapons and wearing clown masks. One swings a lead pipe at Robin, who ducks and knees him in the stomach.
Robin: How much longer do we have to put up with this?
Batman simply walks up to the other and indents his face with his fist before the clown can bring his pipe down on him.
Batman: Until we find the Commissioner.
Robin silences his attacker by bringing two hands down on the back of his assailant's neck.
Robin: I meant their lame jokes.
Batman throws a side kick into his assailant, tossing him back into the stack of boxes. He then grimaces.
Batman: Hopefully sooner than that.
On the tv screen behind them Harley continues on.
Harley Quinn: And how does he get around on those flippers of his? Wal-Mart only carries his shoe size in the sports section!
Scene - inside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
The Joker presses a button on the control panel they have to let out a pre-recorded tape of canned laughter. None of it comes from the Dynamic Duo. Joker waves to Harley Quinn, telling her to keep the jokes coming. She wavers.
Harley Quinn: And Two Face, what a guy! He's so backstabbing he wakes up with ginsu's in his own back!
We hear more pre-recorded canned laughter.
Harley Quinn: And whenever he looks in the mirror he orders pizza for four!
Scene - outside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Batman and Robin continue to run on, getting closer to their prey. We hear more pre-recorded canned laughter but again, nothing from the Dynamic Duo. The round a corner only to both slam their elbows into two more unsuspecting clown guards. They drop like unwanted melons. However, Robin does smile.
Robin: You have to admit, that was good.
Batman says nothing.
Robin: Or not...
Scene - inside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Harley Quinn has appeared to have lost her steam.
Harley Quinn: I dunno, boss, those guys seem more like the Dynamic Dunce to me.
Joker: That's because it needs to be done with flair, Harley! Stand aside!
Joker now steps in front of the camera. We hear more pre-recorded canned applause and the Joker takes several bows.
Joker: No, you're too kind, thank you and thank you. And spank me! I owe all that I am this day to a tub of toxic goo, a drunken plastic surgeon, and a really cheesy “knock knock” joke book. With that type of bad luck you can be as famous as me too!
We hear a drum roll and cymbal clash.
Joker: But Harley's right, gentlemen and gingivitis, ol' Harvey is a bit too side stepping, if you know what I mean. For instance, if we were to cut him in half would the two halves just fight each other?
The camera swings wide to show Harley Quinn play the drum roll and cymbal clash. It then swings back to the Joker.
Joker: But seriously, folks, just not too much... does Catwoman ever get tired of coughing up her own hairballs? Yuck.
More canned laughter.
Scene - outside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Batman and Robin are engaged in taking out two more clown thugs. Batman drops a ridge-hand chop to the back of his attacker's neck while Robin uppercuts the chin of his.
Joker: No wonder she's still single.
He leans in to give an 'aside' to the camera.
Joker: She's probably not even housebroken.
Again, Batman grimaces as his attacker tries to get his second wind.
Batman: Now he's hitting below the belt.
The attacker now screams and rushes at Batman, who drops down in a crouch and pummels him in the stomach.
Scene - inside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Joker leans away to stand in front of the camera again.
Joker: And that Riddler! I'll bet HIS underwear is even questionable. Plus, who can say how long it's been since Poison Ivy pulled the weeds out of her tights. Who knows if those are even her real clothes! It's probably just moss growing all over her, weaved into her unshaven legs!
He breaks into another vile fit of laughter until Joker gets hit in the head with a drum stick. The camera quickly pans over to Harley on the drum set.
Harley Quinn: Hey! Don't talk about red that way! She's may be a cutthroat but she's a friend of mine!
Joker's voice (off camera): True true, Harley.
The camera swings back to him and he gives another 'aside.'
Joker: Still makes you wonder, though. I hear she is European...
Harley Quinn's voice (off camera): I heard that!
Scene - outside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Batman and Robin are still running around, trying to find the control booth.
Batman: Come on! He's running out of jokes!
Robin: How can you tell!
Batman: The Joker has a short attention span. And when the fuse cuts short, it tends to blow.
Robin: Can't argue with that.
Batman stops running and looks around. Four more clowns surround them, all spinning, hefting, or swinging weapons. Above their heads he starts to inspect all the wiring in the building. He follows it with his eyes to a central source.
Scene - inside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Joker is again looking down at the Caped Crusaders, tapping his finger unhappily on the control panel.
Joker: He's still not laughing. And I threw my best knee-slappers at him...
Harley responds, yawning.
Harley Quinn: Told ya so.
The Joker's eyes then light up with an idea and his face tightens into an evil smile. He holds his finger over a large, red button with a smiling clown face on it.
Joker: Harley, I've been a naughty boy. Come on over here and slap my hand.
Harley Quinn: Oh, Mr. J, I'll slap more than that if you want.
Joker suddenly reacts mad.
Joker: I'll slap you silly if you don't...
Harley Quinn: Calm down, don't blow yer gasket.
She approaches him from the drum set and slaps his hand, which pushes the button.
Harley Quinn: Naughty boy...
Outside the hiss of equipment and steam lets loose with a streaming torrent of green laughing gas, which pours into the warehouse.
Joker: Whoopsie. I guess ol' Batsy will have no choice but to laugh now.
He starts to laugh again, starting down low and letting it build higher and higher.
Scene - outside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Robin is fighting two of the Joker's goons at once. Suddenly, the laughing gas starts rolling towards them and getting closer.
Robin: Batman! His fuse just...
Batman: Hold on!
Batman points to a central point where all the wires converge together to a black booth in the back of the building with the picture of a large clown on the side.
Batman: There!
They both pull out their grappling hook launchers and fire at the ceiling. The cables both wrap around the metal rafters and each hero is pulled off of their feet as the eerie, green gas washes around where their feet once stood. The Joker's goons are surrounded by the green gas and they fall to their feet, twitching wildly and laughing uncontrolably. Batman and Robin fly across the top of the warehouse, swinging towards the clown painted on one side of the black booth.
Scene - inside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Standing behind the Joker Harley Quinn is pointing towards the 2 way stained glass window, trembling.
Harley Quinn: Mr. J...?
He turns to her, angry.
Joker: What is it?
He follows her finger to look out the window as both Batman and Robin come swinging in towards them. Screaming like a little girl, Joker throws his arms around his head and dives to the floor. Glass shatters all around them as the Dynamic Duo smash the glass and land in the control booth. Harley Quinn pulls out her large pop gun as Batman and Robin both scatter. She fires off a few shots at Batman as Robin launches a Batarang to knock the gun out of her hand. Batman then goes for the Joker who backs up, smiling evilly.
Joker: Would it kill ya just to laugh once!
He fires a burst of flame from a flower on his lapel but Batman ducks underneath the flame. He then comes up underneath to uppercut him in the face. Meanwhile, Robin chases Harley Quinn to her hyenas. She stops to set them free.
Harley Quinn: Get 'im, babies!
Robin now has both dogs and Harley Quinn to deal with. Batman is fighting with the Joker, and Batman dodges almost his every move. Joker throws a punch that Batman sidesteps. Joker throws another punch that Batman spins to duck underneath. At the same time Batman turns his momentum into a footsweep that catches the Joker and throws him off of his feet. He lands with a thud and Joker returns to his feet with a snarl. Joker grabs a lead pipe and starts swinging it at Batman's head.
Joker: I think it was the Joker, in the control room, with the lead pipe!
As the Joker lets out another terrible laugh he lands a lucky punch that throws Batman to the far side of the wall.
Joker: I was right!
Batman recovers and comes at the Joker again. On the other side of the control room Robin is also having problems of his own. Robin has pulled out one of his Bat-Bolos and one of the dogs has bitten onto the weapon and is shaking it. The other dog is behind him, barking wildly. Harley Quinn is trying to get around them and to her gun.
Harley Quinn: That's it, babies! Just keep the bad bird boy off of mommie!
She's able to get around them and runs to her gun. Robin then trips over the second dog, who attacks his face. Harley Quinn gets her gun and swings it around to finish off Robin.
Meanwhile, Joker tries to take Batman's head off and Batman ducks. He then throws another uppercut, tossing the Joker's head back and makes him drop his pipe. Batman then spins to drive an elbow into the Joker's midsection and finishes with a roundhouse that throws the Joker against the far wall.
Back to Robin, he's able to pull his Bat-Bolos from the first dog's mouth and spins to throw it at Harley Quinn. The Bolos wrap around her hands like a whip and Robin pulls her towards him.
Harley Quinn: Hey!
She now can't shoot, for fear of hitting her dogs.
Harley Quinn: No fair! Look out, babies! Mommie doesn't want to shoot you!
On the far side of the room Joker wipes the spittle from his mouth and tries to sit up.
Joker: For all the games you play, you sure are a cheater, Batsy!
Batman strides towards him.
Batman: And you're a fool, Joker, if you think you can escape with the Commissioner.
Joker just smiles as he reaches behind him.
Joker: It's what I do best!
At the point, Commissioner Gordon is able to free the gag from his mouth.
Commissioner Gordon: Batman, he's got a tommy gun!
Joker whips the machine gun out from behind his back and opens fire on Batman, who is forced to duck and cover – except there is no cover. Harley Quinn screams at him.
Harley Quinn: You shoot my babies and you're dead, clown!
Batman looks and sees the control panel.
Joker: Trapped like a Bat in a barrel. No where to run, Batman!
Batman pulls out a Batarang and holds it high. Joker laughs again.
Joker: Go ahead! I'm game! But you only get one shot and then... he he... I get hundreds!
Joker cocks the weapon and waits. Batman raises his Batarang, but then turns and throws it at the control panel. The air conditioning unit turns on and begins to pull the laughing gas into the room. Joker screams like a little girl again and backs up.
Batman: Time for a taste of your own medicine, Joker.
Harley drops the gun and jumps up.
Harley Quinn: Well, this has been another presentation of The Joker Hour. Tune in next time...
Joker is already running to the back of the room.
Joker: Shut it and run, Harley!
She follows behind him and Batman chases after them.
Harley Quinn: Same Bat time, same Bat channel!
The two of them disappear down an escape hatch. Batman tries to open it but it's been barred from the other side.
Scene – outside an abandoned fun house warehouse
Joker and Harley Quinn land in the alleyway behind the warehouse.
Harley Quinn: Gee, talk about a cancellation. And I thought Fox was bad...
Joker: Then you've never watched the “Bat network.” He'll be through that hole any moment. We have to get out of here.
Harley Quinn is standing against an old, leather tarp.
Harley Quinn: Ahem.
She pulls it back to show a shiny, nice Harley Davidson motorcycle. Joker grins.
Joker: Harley, you're the greatest.
She lets out a happy, little squeal. The two of them then quickly drive away.
Scene - inside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
The gas is growing closer as Robin opens his Bat-knife and is cutting the Commissioner loose.
Commissioner Gordon: Batman! The gas is getting closer!
Batman: Over here!
Both Robin and Commissioner Gordon run over to Batman and join him by the escape hatch. Batman and Robin throw their cape around themselves, forming a shell to keep out the gas. Batman pulls out a small bottle and starts to pour it a jelly-like liquid around the hatch seal.
Commissioner Gordon: What's that?
Batman: Portable nitroglycerin. When I blow the hatch we'll have to move quickly.
He sticks a small humming device in the jelly and pulls his cape around him, pulling Commissioner Gordon under his cape. Robin seals him against the gas with his own cape and turns away. There is a small explosion behind them.
Batman: Now!
The three of them hold their breaths and move to escape down the blown hatch.
Scene – outside an abandoned fun house warehouse
Batman and Robin land in the same alleyway behind the warehouse. The Joker and Harley Quinn are already long gone. Batman pulls out a radio.
Batman: I've signaled the closest precinct. Someone should be here to pick you up.
Commissioner Gordon: I'll get my men out combing the streets for that lunatic before he can cause any more trouble.
Batman: He'll be underground before you get a lock on him. Even he's not crazy enough to try something else that insane in one night.
An undercover cop car then pulls up with a red, flashing light in the windshield and a large detective gets out, holding a toothpick in his mouth.
Detective Bullock: Commish, I heard the news on the horn. You alright?
Commissioner Gordon: I am now, thanks to Batman.
Batman looks to the police radio as it starts to call out an APB.
Dispatcher's voice: Calling all cars in the vicinity of 2nd street and 4th north. Second National Bank reports burglary in progress. Assailants are armed and dangerous. Please advise.
Detective Bullock: This caped geek is a loose cannon, Commish. Should I put the cuffs on him?
Commissioner Gordon turns around but Batman and Robin are gone. Commissioner Gordon looks into the sky.
Commissioner Gordon: Not in million years, Bullock. Not in million years.
The Penguin and Two Face's story
Scene – over the cityscape of Gotham's nightlife
Batman and Robin are running and swinging over the buildings of Gotham, towards their next destination. They talk as they run.
Robin: What's the hurry?
Batman: The Second National Bank on 2nd street. 2 plus 2 equals 4. 4th street.
Robin: Two Face.
Batman: Right. And the Second National Bank is across the way from “The Parakeet Palace.”
Robin: And The Penguin?
Batman: Only makes sense. When we get into the building stay back... and watch mine.
They swing down to their final destination and land on top of the bank.
Scene – outside the Second National Bank
On the roof of the bank Batman uses a Bat-bar to open an air conditioning vent and they climb in.
Scene – inside the Second National Bank
They are crawling through the air vents and come to a T junction. Batman makes some hand gestures and Robin nods. They separate; Batman crawls down one way and Robin down another.
Scene – inside the Second National Bank
Robin opens a second vent and slips into an office in the front of the bank. Carefully, he peeks through one of the slitted blinds in the closed window. Through the slitted blinds he sees The Penguin rooting through the bank's vault. Two of Two Face's dual-masked guards stand by, holding machine guns. Robin very carefully opens the door and lets one Batarang fly. It hits the head of one, which causes the other to look over at him. Robin takes advantage of the distraction by hitting him with a second Batarang. Both fall to the ground without making a sound.
Scene – inside the Second National Bank
Batman then drops out of a second air vent which lands him in front of the vault. Pulling his cape around him he approaches the Penguin from behind like a shadowy behemoth. The Penguin doesn't seem to notice Batman coming up behind him.
Scene – inside the vault
Batman enters the vault and reaches to grab the Penguin – but he suddenly shimmers and disappears. The vault's bared door suddenly swings closed, trapping Batman inside. He instantly hears the Penguin's squawking laughter and he waddles up to the caged bars to rap his umbrella on the bars.
Penguin: I fine cage, I must admit. Strong enough to hold the bravest of birds... or even one bold bat.
Batman reaches in his cape to throw a Batarang at the Penguin but Penguin fires a cloud of gas in his face instead. Batman falls backwards, dropping the Batarang, gasping for breath.
Penguin: A burst of sleeping gas to soar you up to cloud 9, amongst the eagles, pigeons... and vultures.
Batman struggles to escape as Two Face then appears to stand next to the Penguin.
Two Face: Don't make it hard on yourself, Bat. We knew you were coming so I brought twice as many guards.
He snaps and several guards like the ones Robin knocked out appear behind him.
Batman: Whatever you're doing... you won't...
He continues to struggle but falls over with his cape over his face.
Penguin: A downed bird, fresh for the plucking, my dual personage comrade.
Grimly, Two Face steps forward with his guards.
Penguin: He's all yours. Cook his goose.
Penguin steps back and the bared door opens. Two Face steps in with 4 guards: 2 on one side of Batman and 2 on the other. The guards are carrying pipes, chains, crowbars, and baseball bats. Two Face stands at the head of Batman and kneels down, preparing to take his cowled mask off.
Two Face: Now, let's see who's in his second skin.
Two Face rolls Batman over and pulls his cape back, only to find out that Batman is wearing a miniature gas mask. Batman glares at Two Face with a scowl ready to strike. Two Face reaches to pull his gun.
Two Face: Of all the double-crossing...
He doesn't get to finish his line as Batman punches him in the face. From outside the vault Robin lets a series of exploding gas pellets fly inside, over the Penguin's shoulder. The explosions give Batman the distraction he needs to strike. As smoke floods into the vault Batman takes out two of the guards with a footsweep that rights him to his feet. One of the other guards tries to hit Batman but he blocks him. He then backhands both guards and drops them. Penguin growls at Robin, glaring at him.
Penguin: You give birds a bad name, Robin!
Scene – inside the Second National Bank
The Penguin turns and waddles away from Robin, who chases after him. Two Face has recovered and is grappling with Batman. Batman pulls free, punches Two Face with a double-handed fist – one for each face, - and dives for the door. He tucks into a roll and escapes the vault.
Robin: The only cage in your future, Penguin, is the Penitentiary.
Penguin starts to back up from Robin, opening up his umbrella between the two of them. The smoke from Robin's explosive bombs flows out of the vault's door. All 4 of Two Face's guards are standing; one pair on each side of the two faced gangster. Two Face speaks to Batman.
Two Face: I said I'd bring your unmasked face in. I didn't say if you were dead or alive.
He quickly flips his coin and catches it. He looks it over quickly and then glares at Batman.
Two Face: Apparently, it's dead.
He points at Batman.
Two Face: Kill the Bat!
His guards all rush towards Batman, who sprints to the side of the vault. Two Face and his guards all now exit the vault. The first two that Robin knocked out with his Batarang now wake up and chase after Robin, one of the left and one on the right. Two Face pulls out a walkie talkie and speaks to the two guards in the vault's control room.
Two Face: Get in here, now!
Robin pairs off from Penguin.
Robin: Robin verses the Penguin. And the odds are in my favor.
Penguin: So it appears. Time to trim this bird's flying feathers.
He pushes a button and blades start spinning from the end of his umbrella.
Penguin: Propellors are perilous to famed, flying foes.
Robin begins to back away from the Penguin's umbrella's blades. Two Face pulls out two guns, one white and one black, and starts shooting. Batman now runs towards Two Face and his guards. Robin also drops to the ground. Batman weaves back and and forth, dodging Two Face's fire. As he dodges the bullets the Penguin becomes the recipient of Two Face's fire. This forces the Penguin to open his umbrella again. The bullets bounce off of his umbrella and away from the Penguin.
Penguin: Stop shooting, you fools! Our quarry has swooped to attack!
Batman now runs into the midsts of Two Face's 4 guards. Robin stands before the Penguin. Again, his umbrella's blades pop open and come at Robin to slice him open. What Robin doesn't see are two of Two Face's guards coming up behind him to grab him. Two of Two Face's guards join the Penguin from behind him.
Penguin: The odds are now in my favor.
The other two guards from the control room sneak up on Robin from behind.
Meanwhile, Batman is in the thick of Two Face's 4 guards and Two Face himself. Batman plows an uppercut into the chin of one as two from behind grab him; one on each side. Two Face and the other guard both punch at Batman's face, who ducks, and they accidentally punch their own people. Batman then lets a roundhouse kick fly that catches the faces of both Two Face and the guard.
Penguin is holding Robin at bay as two of Two Face's guards prepare to jump him as the other two sneak up on him from behind.
Penguin: Dive at him, my little flock!
Robin suddenly sees the guard's shadows as they are coming up behind him, but too late. The two grab him from behind and The Penguin cackles happily.
Penguin: And that's why they travel in pairs.
The other two rush forward to pummel him. Robin raises his feet and kicks into the faces of the two rushing him. He then pulls downward and throws the two holding onto him over his shoulders. They fall forward and have to force themselves to keep from running into the Penguin's umbrella blades.
Penguin: He's outflown you all! Get him!
They turn to get him again but he jumps at the group with a flying leap kick. He kicks one in the face, using the momentum to jump off of the one and into the face of the other with a lunge punch. The third guard throws a punch that Robin ducks. Robin then lands an uppercut to the third guard and kicks the forth with a roundhouse. All 4 guards stagger back, recover, and come at him again. Without stepping away from his position, he jumps up in spinning flip kick that knocks them all unconscious to the floor. All that remains is the Penguin.
Robin: Now it's just you and me, birdbrain.
The Penguin grits his teeth and prepares to fight Robin.
On the other side of the room Batman pairs himself off from Two Face.
Two Face: I'll take that cowl off of your head even if I have to rip it off.
Batman: You're taking twice as long to do it.
Two Face: I'll do it in half the time.
Two Face reaches out to grab Batman, who dodges out of the way. One of Two Face's guards comes to and stands up. Batman turns to punch him and then dodges another attack from Two Face. Another guard stands and Batman has to punch him down, too. This allows Two Face to grab Batman in a head lock and try to pull his mask off. Batman grabs one arm with one hand and the other with the other. As they are struggling, Two Face's men continue to stand up and Batman continues to have to kick them down. They distract Batman long enough to keep him from getting Two Face off of him.
Robin and Penguin are fighting and Penguin is trying to zip Robin's head free from his shoulders. The Penguin is lunging, thrusting, and slicing with his umbrella to try and slice Robin but Robin is able to dodge him.
Robin: You can't cut what you can't catch.
Squawking, the Penguin puts the umbrella's blades away and fires another round of sleeping gas at Robin. Robin is forced to throw his cape over his head to block the effects of the sleeping gas. The Penguin then shoulders past Robin, shoving him over, as he runs towards Two Face and tries to escape. Robin speaks to himself from under his cape.
Robin: What's the matter, Penguin? Chicken?
Robin then throws out his hands. A handful of black marbles rolls out towards him as Penguin reaches Two Face.
Penguin: Hurry and procure his cowl, before his fledgling recovers!
The Penguin reaches back to stab Batman with a blade from his umbrella when Two Face shouts at him.
Two Face: What have you done? You've left Robin...
The Penguin spins in time to see the marbles catch up to them. The Penguin is the first to step on them and he falls forward, shoving into Two Face. Two Face then looses his step and they both fall down.
Two Face: ...open to attack us from behind!
Two Face releases Batman as they fall and Batman pulls himself free. He pulls out 2 pairs of Batcuffs but Penguin glares at him.
Penguin: This is only over... for now!
From the floor he then fires something into the ceiling that explodes. Trying to get away from the sleeping gas Robin is running to join them. Robin points to the ceiling.
Robin: Holy smoke, Batman!
Batman now dives at him to throw him to the ground.
Batman: Look out!
They both crash to the ground but when they look up it was only a smoke bomb and both Two Face and the Penguin are gone.
Robin: They're getting away!
They both jump up and run outside.
Scene – outside the Second National Bank
They run outside in time to see a helicopter flying away.
Batman: Seems to be our luck tonight.
At that moment a handful of cop cars arrive at the scene and Commissioner Gordon is the first to get to Batman and Robin.
Commissioner Gordon: Same flair of dramatics?
Robin: And efficiency.
Batman: Two Face and the Penguin have escaped. Their thugs are still inside for you.
Commissioner Gordon: What were they after?
Batman: Me.
Commissioner Gordon: Twice in one night. Seems a little odd.
Robin: No, seems very odd.
Batman stares across the street at something on top of a tall building.
Commissioner Gordon: Any idea what's going on?
Batman: No. But I will.
He fires his grappling hook launcher and flies off. They look to where he lands – across the street on top of a building, where Catwoman is standing, watching them. Robin speaks to Commissioner Gordon as he folds his arms.
Robin: One thing I've learned. Never interrupt a man when he's calling on his woman.
Commissioner Gordon: Even when she's a known felon?
Robin: You mean feline?
Commissioner Gordon: Enough of the puns.
Robin smiles but just shrugs.
Robin: It's not a perfect world yet.
Catwoman & Poison Ivy's story
Scene – Across the street from the Second National Bank
Batman lands on top of the building he and Robin were on before they entered the Second National Bank, where Catwoman is standing. She is petting her black cat Isis, who is draped comfortably in her arms.
Catwoman: Quite the show, Dark Knight.
Batman: What brings you out here on a night like this?
Catwoman: The weather's no bother. Certainly worth the show. Care to share the backstage secrets?
Batman: Two Face and the Penguin were determined to unmask me. You wouldn't know anything about that, now, would you?
Catwoman: Can't say I do, or that I blame them. Everyone wants to know the mystery behind the mask.
She lowers her cat to the ground, who purrs herself up against Batman's boot.
Batman: You of all people understand the importance of secrecy... Ms. Kyle.
She now turns away from him and folds her arms.
Catwoman: You're hitting below the belt, Batman. Knowing who I am, but I still don't know who you are.
Batman comes up behind her and puts a hand on her shoulder.
Batman: I'm sorry. You know I can't reveal my identity to you. To anyone.
She now speaks over her shoulder.
Catwoman: You told the bird boy?
He now narrows his eyes.
Batman: That's different.
She turns away again.
Catwoman: So you told the bird but not the cat.
Batman: Salina...
She now turns around and puts a finger on his lips.
Catwoman: Don't say a word. That's twice below the belt. And this time...
Catwoman's cat Isis now hisses at Batman.
Catwoman: ...it'll cost you.
She suddenly sprints away and Batman realizes she's stolen his belt. She holds it up in the air for him to see, hiding halfway behind a chimney.
Catwoman: Care to have it back, Batman? You'll have to steal it from me!
She vanishes behind the chimney and Batman growls.
Batman: Not my idea of an evening stroll.
Scene – chase over the rooftops
He takes off after her and the chase is on. Batman is running over rooftop and every time he sees Catwoman she is just one step ahead of him. Every time she gets within view she'll already zipping behind something else. He jumps over a rooftop and she calls after him.
Catwoman: Come on, Batman! You're loosing your touch!
Again, he continues to chase her. She turns and casts her whip to wrap around a low hanging pole and begins to swing. Batman comes to a stop as he runs out of buildings and stops on the edge. Down on the ground Catwoman vanishes behind a hedge, leading into one of the city's public gardens. Again, he glares.
Batman: Catwoman, I smell a rat.
Without his toys he lowers himself down the building on the drainpipe and runs to the entrance of the gardens.
Scene – entrance to the garden maze
He spreads out his cape to cover his whole body and strides, ever watchful, into the gardens. At the end of the maze of hedges, ahead of him, Catwoman pokes her head out, his belt in hand.
Catwoman: You can't be getting tired now, we've just started.
She disappears further into the maze as Batman runs after her again. He comes to the end of the maze and again, Catwoman's heels vanish around another bend. Batman chases her one more time and stops to look around. He realizes he's now lost.
Batman: Salina! Enough of these cat and mouse games!
Off in the distance of the maze he hears her call to him.
Catwoman: Come and find me, Batman!
Again, Batman moves through the maze towards her voice, grumbling. He continues to get lost in the maze and becomes more frustrated. Suddenly, the sound of a power saw engine comes to life somewhere behind him. He spins around, throwing out his cape in a battle position, but there is nothing there. A live chain saw blade then comes at him through the hedges, slicing at his head. He dodges out of the way as another slices through the other side of the hedges, slicing for his torso. He drops to his knees and rolls forward, dodging both blades. He looks up to see Catwoman waving his belt before him.
Catwoman: A clean shave, Batman! Care to cut it a little closer?
Again, she runs off and Batman chases after her.
Batman: Catwoman! This is no game!
As he rounds the corner he is forced to duck as a hefty gardener guard tries to clip his head from his neck with large pruning shears. Batman rotates under the attack and plants his fist into the hedge trimmer's gut. The gardener guard recuperates and throws a wild backhand at Batman, which he ducks again. Batman then plants a thorny fist into the gardener guard's face, dropping him. Again, Catwoman appears at the end of the hedge.
Catwoman: Playing with the help, Batman? Come tame this tiger!
Batman: Stop!
He chases after her, having to dodge two more attacks through the hedges with hedge trimmers. Angry, Batman now rounds the hedge to see one of the assailants with the hedge trimmer. The gas-powered weapon hums with power as he comes at Batman, weapon raised high. He slashes at Batman, who ducks back and drops a fist across his face. Another slash and Batman jumps backwards. The gardener guard comes at him with weapon raised over his head. Batman prepares to react but is suddenly grabbed from behind by the gardener guard who had the large pruning shears. Batman struggles to free himself from this attacker as the gas-powered hedge trimmer comes closer. Batman finally side-steps behind his grappling assailant and throws him over his shoulder and into the gardener guard with the hedge trimmer. Batman strides towards them and the gardener guard who carried the pruning shears is knocked out cold. The other raises his head, dazed, but a quick kick from Batman drops his head to the ground.
Scene – the center of the maze
Batman rounds the corner to find a clearing in the maze of hedges lined with trees. Cobblestone sidewalks line the ground. It appears deserted. Again, Batman folds out his cape to engulf his body as he walks into the clearing.
Batman: Catwoman?
No answer as he moves closer into the clearing. He hears the snap of a twig and Batman spins, throwing out his cape, and ready to attack. Suddenly, a vine whip lashes out and catches Batman's raised hand. He spins to see one of the gardeners pulling him closer. He struggles to resist as it pulls him back but another vine lashes out, catching his other hand. The second vine is held by another gardener and the two start to pull him towards one of the trees. Batman struggles to resist them, and begins to win, when Catwoman's whip lashes around his midsection. She is standing behind the tree and she puts one foot against the tree and pulls. The three of them are able to pull him into place where a net of vines falls down over him, trapping him into place. Catwoman pulls off her whip and starts to coil it up again as she approaches Batman with one of the gardener guards. Catwoman has Batman's utility belt draped around her shoulders like a bandoleer.
Batman: What's this all about?
Poison Ivy's voice: A little bet that we're about to collect on, Batman. Starting with the price on your head.
Catwoman is suddenly joined from the other side by Poison Ivy. Batman grits his teeth.
Batman: Poison Ivy. I should've known.
Poison Ivy takes one of the hedge trimmers from one of the gardener guards.
Batman: And after all the fun we've had together?
Catwoman: I'm a woman who needs commitment, Batman. Trust and fun only go so far, and then a woman simply needs more.
Poison Ivy: And I'm a woman who needs less... of you.
She now thumbs the hedge trimmer on.
Poison Ivy: This is one garden that is overdue for a trim!
She moves in to slice his head free of his shoulders when suddenly a Bat-bolo and cable wrap around Poison Ivy's hands. The cable pulls the weapon away from Batman, making Poison Ivy and Catwoman both turn to see Robin in a tree behind them.
Poison Ivy: No!
Robin raises another hand and throws another handful of smoke bombs, which detonate in the center of the maze and force everyone to stop and cough. This allows Robin to throw another Batarang, which slices Batman free of the vines. Batman then reaches out and punches Poison Ivy through the net of vines. Robin jumps down to join Batman as he rips the vines off of him. Poison Ivy and Catwoman all back up with their gardener guards, smiling grimly.
Batman: Perfect timing.
Robin: I figured it was too late for a date. Especially with all the rest of the weirdness going on tonight.
Batman: Doesn't look like it's over.
Robin looks over to see the bad guys just standing there, looking happy and grim.
Robin: Hey, what gives?
Robin suddenly gets smacked in the face with the flat end of a shovel, which throws him sprawling. Batman suddenly looks to the side to see a burly red-head in blue coveralls wielding a shovel.
Vonda: You! Like an uprooted tree!
Batman: And you are?
The newcomer executes a deadly display of spinning her weapon like a martial arts expert and speaks with a heavy Austrian accent. Strapped to her back are an assortment of weapons: a pitchfork, a rake, and a garden hoe. She carries a pair of pruning shears on her hip.
Vonda: My name is Vonda, the Norwegian Gardener.
She sticks her shovel in the ground and pulls out her own pair of pruning shears. She holds the shears upward.
Vonda: And I'm here to cut... you up!
She then slices it closed in a threatening manner. Robin is still laying on the ground and nursing his bashed face.
Robin: That is just wrong!
Screaming, Vonda rushes at Batman, slicing as she goes. Batman dodges once, twice, three times and then backs up to Robin.
Batman: Are you alright?
Robin stands up on his own. He says “Norway” in a mocking accent tone.
Robin: I'll feel better when we ship her back to “Norway.”
Vonda attacks again and Batman slips to one side and Robin slips to the other. Vonda looses the pruning shears by throwing them at Batman. He ducks low and the pruning shears stick into a tree. Vonda backhand's Robin to the face and then draws her pitchfork. Vonda spins and throws the pitchfork at Robin.
Batman: Robin!
The teeth of the pitchfork catch to either side of Robin's neck, pinning him to another tree.
Vonda: I'll shred ya both, ya girly man!
She pulls the rake free of her harness and swipes it a few times at Batman's head, forcing him to duck again. After Batman ducks another swing he quickly steps on the rake so that she can't pull it up. Batman plows a fist into her face, forcing to drop the rake. He then kicks the rake aside and strides towards her. Robin is still trying to free himself of the pitchfork as Vonda wipes the spittle from her face.
Vonda: You vill pay for zat, you puny American!
Reaching back, she now pulls the hoe free from her back.
Robin: Look out, Batman! She has a hoe!
Vonda now spins about, her eyes as wide as saucers.
Vonda: I hate it when people call me that!
Robin seems to shrink in his trapped predicament.
Robin: Oh boy...
Screaming, she attacks him, intending to take his head off. Batman runs up behind and grabs the back of the hoe's blade, forcing her to stop. She spins around, backhanding him and sending him sprawling into the shovel. They both fall to the ground. She now raises the hoe above her head and charges at him.
Vonda: I'll sow ya back to the fertile soil that spawned ya!
On the ground, Batman spies the garden rake and uses his leg to push it towards her. In classic cartoon format she steps on the rake and the handle flips up to smack her in the face. Batman then grabs the shovel and 'thwaks' her across the face. A moment later, stunned, she collapses to the ground. Robin now pushes the pitchfork free from the tree and joins Batman.
Robin: Now that's what I call raking it in.
One of Poison Ivy's wrist crossbows suddenly flies by their head. They look over to see Catwoman, their gardener guards, and Poison Ivy re-entering the fray.
Poison Ivy: I'll bury you in compost, Batman!
Batman: We're not out of the woods yet.
They turn back to back as the gardener guards attack them with the hedge trimmers again. One punch from each and two gardener guards stagger back. The other two move forward to take their place with the trimming shears. Batman throws a side kick to double his attacker over. Robin throws his attacker back also with another roundhouse. Batman then hoists his attacker over his shoulder, who then slams into both of Robin's attackers and they tumble to the ground. Poison Ivy then steps forward and tears the hedge trimmer away from the gardener guard.
Poison Ivy: Never send a dozen men to do the job of one woman.
She then backhands the gardener guard to send him flying. Poison Ivy approaches Batman while Catwoman stalks to intercept Robin.
Catwoman: This cat'll swallow the canary.
Robin moves away from Batman to create some fighting space and narrows his eyes.
Robin: Your move, Snowball.
Catwoman raises her hands and sharp claws extend out from each glove. Hissing, she then jumps forward and begins to slash at Robin.
Batman is already ducking and dodging Poison Ivy's enraged attacks with the hedge trimmer. Every chance he gets Batman is returning slash for attack. She backs up and wipes her face free of spit from one of Batman's punches.
Batman: You're getting slow, Ivy.
Poison Ivy: And you're getting dead!
She comes at him again, slashing more.
Robin dodges Catwoman's slashing attacks and trips over Vonda's hoe. Catwoman then pounces to claw him but Robin catches her hands. He then puts his foot in her gut and kicks her over his shoulder. As she falls over his shoulder Robin pulls Batman's belt off of her. With a shriek Catwoman falls into the bushes. Robin stands to kick the hoe out from underneath him.
Robin: That hoe's gonna kill me yet.
Suddenly Catwoman's whip lashes out and ties Robin to a tree. Grumbling, she crawls out of the bushes.
Catwoman: You don't know how right you are about that.
She turns to Poison Ivy.
Catwoman: Ivy! Pull up your roots! It's time to make tracks!
Robin also yells to Batman.
Robin: Batman!
Batman turns as Robin throws his belt to him. Poison Ivy slashes again at Batman's head and he ducks. As she misses he hits her with an uppercut. Poison Ivy falls back, courtesy of another one of Batman's punches. She looks to Catwoman and growls at Batman.
Poison Ivy: Don't loose your head, Batman!
Stepping back, she throws the hedge trimmer at Batman's head. Batman ducks and the trimmer flies over his head. He spins in time to see that it's headed toward Robin, who is trapped against the tree behind him by Catwoman's whip. He quickly hurls his belt at the flying trimmer. It hits the trimmer and causes it to fall away from Robin. It strikes into the tree, turned off, inches from Robin's head. Batman hurries over to Robin to free him.
Robin: Thanks, partner.
They look over the scene with all the gardener guards knocked out. When Robin is freed Batman puts his belt back on.
Batman: Catwoman and Poison Ivy got away.
Robin: I'm personally glad they did, otherwise I wouldn't be here to be grateful. Ivy mentioned a bet?
Batman: Yes. Which explains why the villains have been so determined to catch us off guard.
Robin: What's the next move?
Batman: There are two more villains on the loose. The Riddler and Mr. Freeze.
Robin: So we go after them?
Batman: I'm not sure. At this point I'm afraid we have no choice but to play into their hands. But I have a plan. Let's go.
Scene – entrance to the garden maze
Detective Bullock's car pulls up. Commissioner Gordon, Officer Montoya, and Commissioner Gordon get out.
Officer Montoya: This is where the disturbance was reported, Commissioner.
Commissioner Gordon's cell phone rings and he answers it.
Commissioner Gordon: Gordon here. Robin! What's going on?
Detective Bullock: Geez. Doesn't that panty-hose goon ever slow down?
Officer Montoya: If he did you'd be overbooked.
Commissioner Gordon lowers the phone and points into the maze.
Commissioner Gordon: Sounds like Batman left us some parting gifts. The center of the maze.
Montoya steps onto the curb and goes to bring back Poison Ivy's thugs. Bullock takes his time to follow.
Detective Bullock: Commish, you sure Batman ain't the one pulling all the strings?
Commissioner Gordon: Did you come to ask 20 questions or to collar an entire gang?
Detective Bullock: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know a “get to work” when I hear it.
He walks away and Commissioner Gordon speaks into the phone again.
Commissioner Gordon: Ok, Batman, now what's this plan of yours?
The Riddler's story
Scene – on the Gotham freeway
Batman and Robin are driving along in the Batmobile. Batman pulls the cell phone from his ear and hangs it up. Robin is in the passenger seat with his arms folded.
Robin: Do you think your plan will work
Batman: It'd better. Otherwise this may all start over again tomorrow night.
Robin: Yeah, and with the odds doubled, they're sure to up the ante.
Batman: Exactly.
Scene – a four way traffic intersection
From an exterior view, the Batmobile flies by. Batman is forced to slam on the brakes as he comes across a traffic jam up ahead. They look ahead at the cars packed in tight at the intersection to see the traffic lights all flashing in a non-consistent pattern. People are all standing around, inspecting their accidents. Robin points to the traffic lights.
Robin: Look. The traffic lights are blinking out of succession.
Batman: No, they are blinking in succession, just not the way the city set them up. It's Morse Code.
Batman watches the blinks, trying to figure out the code.
Batman: It says, “Where at home do wear 3/4ths of a container?”
Robin: Oh, boy. The Riddler.
Batman: Exactly.
Exterior view, he revs up the Batmobile and turns it around. They drive off. Robin speaks from an interior view.
Robin: You figured it out already?
Batman: 3/4ths of a container. There's a storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th street. That would be the Riddler's home base.
Robin: And he's worn out his welcome.
Batman does smile at this.
Scene – outside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th
The Batmobile pulls up and they both jump out. Everything appears to be closed down.
Robin: Appears quiet.
Batman: Stay sharp. Things aren't always as they seem with The Riddler.
Batman's batphone rings and Robin's, too. They both answer their cell phones, giving each other strange looks.
The Riddler's voice: Welcome Batman and Robin to a night of intrigue and an experiment in assumption. I know that both of you are seeking to procure and captivate myself so I offer myself as bait. However, you must play the game appropriately, gentlemen. And I offer you a secondary prize as well. Inside the facility is a riddle that even yourselves cannot pass up. To get to the riddle and the Riddler, you'll have to undo and outsmart my loyal bodyguards.
We see a close up on Batman's face.
The Riddler's voice: Batman, you are welcome to enter the facility from the west side of the building.
We see a close up on Robin's face.
The Riddler's voice: And Boy Wonder, you are welcome to enter the facility from the east side of the building. Let the games begin!
The Riddler then disconnects the call and all they hear are dial tones. They both hang up their matching Batphones.
Robin: Well, partner?
Batman: At this point we have no choice but to play by his rules.
Robin: But we break them at the first chance we get?
Batman smiles again.
Batman: Exactly.
Robin: Then I'll see you. Good luck.
Robin turns and runs off. Batman watches him go.
Batman: You too.
He then turns and runs off in his own direction.
Scene – outside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, west side
Batman arrives at his doorway where there is a small, metal box like a mailbox and a closed door.
The Riddler's voice: Welcome, Caped Crusader. The entrance fee is small and convenient, so I hope you don't mind. Please deposit your utility belt into the metal box to gain entrance.
Batman starts to take off his utility belt.
Scene – outside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
On the other side of the building Robin is also taking off his utility belt.
The Riddler's voice: Don't worry, plenty of tools will be provided for your needs inside, should you care to use them.
Robin places his belt into the metal box and the door begins to open slowly.
Scene – outside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, west side
Batman also places his belt into the metal box and his door also begins to open slowly.
The Riddler's voice: Batman, this is your moment on the Price of Plight! Come on in!
Without his belt, Batman enters the facility and the door slowly closes.
Scene – outside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
Without his belt, Robin has entered the facility and the door closes.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, west side
Batman finds himself in a darkened room with black curtains hanging in front of him. The lights are highlighted with an eerie green glow. In front of him hangs a black cape with a darkened hood on a hook.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
Robin also finds himself in a darkened room with black curtains hanging in front of him. The lights are also highlighted with an eerie green glow. He grabs the black cape with a darkened hood on a hook and inspects it. It has a giant, glittering green question mark on the back.
The Riddler's voice: In order to play you must be dressed the parts. Please don the cape and hood so that we can begin.
Grimacing, Robin puts the hood and cape on.
Robin: What next? Giant, rubber galoshes?
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, west side
Batman is wearing the cape and hood and he does not look like himself anymore.
The Riddler's voice: Welcome! You are now prepared to enter and participate on the Price of Plight!
Ahead of him the black curtains open and Batman enters the next area.
Scene – inside the Riddler's control room
We see the Riddler sitting behind a control board with tv monitors in front of him. One shows Robin and the other shows Batman, dressed in their similar outfits. A microphone is on the desk in front of him. Two of the Riddler's big goons approach him. One has Batman's belt and the other has Robin's belt.
The Riddler: Excellent.
The Riddler takes them from their hands and places them on the control board.
The Riddler: Our Dynamic Duo thinks they are entering a gauntlet but they are actually walking to their doom. Take your places and don't make it easy for them.
The big goons nod and leave. The Riddler turns back to his monitors.
The Riddler: Now, for some rules...
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
Ahead of Robin the black curtains open and he enters the next area. He stands in a small area, also covered with black curtains and assorted weapons. In this room are pipes, chains, and crowbars.
The Riddler's voice: The game is survival and the best man wins. Feel free to use any of the tools available for your use. And now, if you are ready, let the games begin!
A booming sound echoes as loud, rocking music begins to play. The curtain ahead of Robin opens and one of the Riddler's bodyguards enters wearing a similar cape and hood as Robin. They both look exactly the same. The bodyguard quickly picks up a lead pipe and comes swinging at Robin's head.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, west side
Batman is also fighting another bodyguard, who falls back from Batman's fist. The bodyguard hefts up his lead pipe and comes at Batman again, swinging high. Batman ducks underneath and plows an elbow into his face and then silences him with an uppercut.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
Robin dodges his attacker and turns the duck into a footsweep that downs his opponent. Robin then rolls up onto his chest and knocks him out with a quick punch to the face.
The Riddler's voice: Bravo! You are ready to move onto the next phase!
Again, the curtains open and Robin stands to step through.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, west side
Batman enters through the next area and the weapons are different. In this location there are baseball bats, knives, and ?. Another bodyguard steps through and grabs a knife.
The Riddler's voice: And begin!
The attacker lunges at Batman.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
Robin's attacker has swung a baseball bat at his head and Robin is growing tired of this game. Robin steps in, planting an elbow in his face. He then hooks his arm around arm and throws him into the wall.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, west side
Batman grabs the knife as it inches closer to his heart and the two are grappling. At the last moment Batman side-steps the Riddler's bodyguard and makes him slam his fist, wrist, and knife into the wall. Batman backhands his face to loosen him up without letting go of his hand. He then steps to grab and throw him into the wall. The thug does not get up again.
The Riddler's voice: Excellent! Now, onto phase 3!
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
Robin's thug has stood and comes at him again. Robin kicks him with a flying leap kick which topples him back against the wall. The thug drops his baseball bat and Robin picks it up. As the thug tries to get up Robin uses it to put him away to dreamland.
The Riddler's voice: Perfect! Onto phase 3!
The curtain opens and Robin carries the baseball bat with him into the next phase.
Scene – inside the Riddler's control room
The Riddler is rubbing his hands together. On the monitors we see Batman and Robin growing closer together. Again, he has two big goons standing behind him.
The Riddler: They are quickly gaining ground. Soon they will be paired off from each other and they won't even know they are fighting the other.
He turns to his goons.
The Riddler: Go and take your turns. And gentlemen... Make them suffer.
The big goons nod and leave as The Riddler turns back to his screen.
The Riddler: The more tired they are, they harder they'll fight... and the easier they will fall.
Again, we see the screens showing Batman and Robin growing closer together.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
Robin enters through the next area and the weapons have doubled in size. In this location there are swords, axes, and chainsaws. His opponent enters and quickly picks up an ax. Robin hoists up his baseball bat to block as his assailant jumps to bring ax down on top of him.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, west side
Batman enters the next area and again the weapons have doubled in size. In this location there are swords, axes, and chainsaws. His opponent enters and quickly picks up a chainsaw. He brings it to life and rushes at Batman, who jumps back to grab an ax. Batman uses the ax to block the attack and kicks his attacker in the stomach. This doubles him over and Batman hooks the chainsaw blade with his ax and rolls over, forcing the chainsaw blade into the ground. Batman then elbows his attacker back and Batman forces him back further with a side kick. His attacker falls back, holding his gut, and then grabs a sword. Screaming, he rushes at Batman.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
Robin plows a foot in his gut and reaches up to grabs his attacker. He then pulls him over him to slam his head into the wall and then kick him off. Robin abandons the ruined baseball bat and rolls forward, picking up a sword as goes. He walks over to the attacker as he tries to right himself to his feet. The attacker tries to swing the ax at Robin, who forces him back. The thug stands and rushes at Robin again.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, west side
Batman again hooks the opponent's weapon with his ax and then backhands him across the face. The bodyguard swings his sword at Batman, who blocks it with the ax. The bodyguard attacks again and again, forcing Batman to block. The bodyguard slashes at Batman's feet and he looses his footing. Batman falls over and the bodyguard jumps down at him to skewer him open. Using his hands, Batman kicks up at him as the bodyguard comes down, knocking the wind out of him. Batman kicks him against the far wall and rights himself to his feet. Batman then drives a fist into his face, dropping him unconscious to the ground.
Batman: Alright, Riddler. Enough of these games.
The Riddler's voice: Don't loose heart! The last and final phase is before you now!
The curtain opens and Batman carries the ax with him into the next phase.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
The bodyguard slashes once at Robin, twice, and then three times. Robin hops out of the way each times and finally slices his hand with the sword only a little bit to make him drop his ax. A quick snap kick across his face now makes him drop to dreamland, as well. Robin grits his teeth.
Robin: How much longer do we have to do this?
The Riddler's voice: Fear not! Welcome to the last and final phase!
The curtain opens and Robin carries the sword with him into the next phase.
Robin: Good. Let's get this over with.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, center
Robin enters the next area and again the weapons different. In this location there are hand guns, shotguns, and rifles. Batman and Robin don't know it but they are paired off from each other. Because of their hoods and capes they both look like each other. Unsuspecting, they fight each other.
Robin attacks first, rolling to lunge with the sword at Batman, who blocks it out of the way and tries to kick Robin. Robin reaches up and grabs his kick. He stands, trying to throw Batman back but Batman jumps and swings his other leg up for a second kick intended to take out Robin's head. Robin is forced to drop his leg and roll with the kick to avoid being struck. They pair off again and this time Batman attacks first, swinging the ax down at Robin to chop him. Robin rolls out of the way and tries to stick Batman with the sword. Batman blocks and they saber clash for some time, trying to find an opening in each other's defenses. Finally, Batman is able to block Robin's sword attack away from him and drive a side kick into Robin's chest. Robin goes flying back but stops himself. He holds his sword in front of him and drives back at Batman, trying to drive him through. Batman retreats, blocks the sword away and rolls behind him, trying to strike him with a backhand. However, Robin bends as he passes by Batman and back kicks him in the side, forcing Batman into the wall. Robin now spins to face him again. Batman grits his teeth and speaks under his breath.
Batman: Now we end this.
Robin attacks with a flying leap kick which Batman ducks into and uses to grab Robin out of the air. Using his own momentum against him Batman throws him into a corner of the room. Robin hits the corner and there is a clash of glass and Robin falls out of sight. Batman springs into action and throws his body across the floor to reach into the hidden hole in the room. He swings his ax down as Robin swings his sword up and the two weapons get trapped in each other. At the bottom of the trap, deadly spikes are sticking straight up, waiting to impale whatever poor foe fell victim to its grasps. Like an animal, its teeth still await fresh prey. As Robin is hanging there his hood and cape fall off.
Batman: Robin!
Hanging above the teeth Robin looks up.
Robin: Batman! Is that you?
Batman pulls his own hood off.
Robin: Boy, am I glad it's you!
Batman: Give me your hand.
Scene – inside the Riddler's control room
The Riddler is pounding the control board.
The Riddler: No, no, no! They were in my grasp! How can it be?
On the screen before him Batman starts to pull Robin up.
The Riddler: I'm afraid the charade has ended.
He stands from his chair.
Scene - inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, center
Batman reaches down and they grab hands. Batman pulls Robin up and it's the weapons that fall into the pit, and not Robin.
Batman: The game is over, Riddler! You've failed. Give yourself up!
The Riddler's voice: Shame shame shame, on you, Batman. You've cheated at my game yet once again. For that I'm afraid you'll never find me.
Robin: Look!
The regular lights then turn on and there is a door in front of them with a large question mark on it. Batman and Robin both run to the door and it doesn't open. They stand back and kick it in.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility's control room
Batman and Robin both burst into the room. Batman spies the back door as it swings closed.
Batman: There!
They run out through the door...
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility's storage alley
We get to see The Riddler run into a hallway that is lined with dozens of doors. The Riddler then slips into one of the doors just before Batman and Robin both run into the hallway. They look up and down the hall at the many doors.
Robin: You want to pick a door or should we draw straws?
Batman simply hits the side of the wall with his fist.
Mr. Freeze's story
Scene – outside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th
One of the large doors on the side of the building opens up and the Dynamic Duo walk out. They both have their belts back on and they walk... into a blistering patch of snow. Robin holds his hands up as snowflakes come trickling down.
Robin: Snow in July? What gives?
A stack of cardboard boxes to the side of them suddenly get flash frozen with a icy-blue blast of cold energy. They look forward as Mr. Freeze stands before him with 3 henchmen at his side.
Mr. Freeze: The cold hand of vengeance is reaching for you, Dark Knight.
He now lowers his ice gun level to Batman's head.
Mr. Freeze: And it cannot be denied it's grasp.
Batman: Look out!
He and Robin both scatter as Mr. Freeze fires again where they both stood and his shot hits the door behind them, freezing it solid with ice. Batman looks up to see Mr. Freeze turn and walk away, leaving this 3 henchmen to come after Batman and Robin. Batman and Robin jump up to engage his henchman and a short fight breaks out. Mr. Freeze walks and stands in the front of the back side of a truck. The truck has a sliding door that is closed. He takes up aim and prepares to fire at them again. Batman calls to Robin.
Batman: He's going to freeze us along with his own men.
Batman now calls to the men they are fighting.
Batman: What boss is worth working for who's willing to sacrifice you?
One of the henchmen backs away from the fight to speak.
Mr. Freeze's Henchman Boss: We've got suits that will help us get free from his freezing ray but you won't escape!
Mr. Freeze is powering his weapon and Batman is forced to make a decision.
Mr. Freeze: Farewell, Batman.
Batman grabs his grappling hook launcher and uses it to uppercut a henchman to get him away from him. He then fires it high to connect to a street lamp. The grappling hook launcher pulls him out of the grasps of the henchmen.
Robin: Batman?
In a last ditch effort to save himself and Robin Batman swings down to kick Mr. Freeze. With a grim smile Mr. Freeze grabs the back of the sliding truck door and pulls it open. Inside the back of the truck is a giant refrigerator-freezer. Batman realizes too late that it's another trap as Mr. Freeze steps aside, aims, and fires at his grappling hook cable. The cable disintegrates into ice, forcing Batman to fall like a stone into the open door of the giant freezer. Batman looks up after shaking his head to clear it and it's starting to get very cold, very quickly. He can already see his breath in front of his face as Mr. Freeze then slams the door on him. As Mr. Freeze walks to the cab of the truck two more henchmen drop down from the top of the truck to close the sliding door again. Mr. Freeze then starts the truck and as Robin still fights to clear himself of the henchmen the truck drives away. The last of the henchmen finally falls and Robin races out to the street... too late – as the truck drives away.
Robin: Batman... no...
ENDING INTENTIONALLY LEFT OUT
A typical night in Gotham city: the streets are thick with the rushing populace as they strive to get home, hurry to parties, or on patrol. A bustling nightlife of crime in question. For Gotham, the question is when and who. On patrol tonight are uniformed police officers, undercover cops, and one who is both undercover and uniformed, but neither. Batman, the crime-fighting hero and legend in his own time, scans the city from above it's skyscrape. Punching in his own clock, he swings to the streets below to do his thankless job.
Scene – Outside “The Castaways” Bar, nighttime
From the street we see a car pull into the parking lot. Three men get out, all wearing long overcoats, but one larger than the others. One of the smaller men wears white and the other wears black. They approach the door and one of them opens it for the others.
Scene – Inside “The Castaways” Bar, from the front counter
A single light from above casts a lonely light on a single table in the back of the bar. Sitting around it are a trio of well dressed, and tired, gamblers. The dealer, clad in a happy purple, deals a sad set of cards to himself, a richly dressed jester in red and black, and an opulent, elegant gentleman dressed in a black tuxedo with long tails.
The new arrival speaks quickly with the bartender, who instructs them to the back. The larger of the three approaches the back while the other stands close by.
Scene – Inside “The Castaways” Bar, the back's gambling parlor
The dealer's face is covered by a large, wide brimmed, purple hat. He stops dealing as the new arrival approaches but flips the cards in his own hands. He speaks kindly to the new arrival while he takes off his overcoat.
Joker: Greetings, friend. Care to pull up a chair and join us?
He now looks up and we see his bleached-white face, grass-green hair, yellow-stained teeth, and maniacally wild eyes. He now speaks in threatening tones.
Joker: Or are you betting on more than you bargained for?
The new arrival pulls up a chair and drops into it. He is also wearing a well dressed, two-tailored suit: white on one side and black on the other. His face is equally two-toned: one side the handsomely groomed Harvey Dent and the other side the vicious-looking, acid-burned gargoyle of the gangster Two-Face.
Two Face: Quit the chatter, clown, and deal the deck.
He plops down in his chair as the Joker continues his dealing. Behind him, the front door opens again and two people enter.
Joker: The game's blackjack, gents. Ace's are high and as always, the Joker is wild.
To the Joker's right, the lady laced in gambling roulette's red and black, pipes up.
Harley Quinn: Ain't you always, Mr. J.
Joker: Only for you, Harley.
The other well groomed, well dressed gentleman at the table, now speaks up as he rearranges the cards in his hand as he peers through his large, glass optical.
Penguin: A nest of feathers, you've dealt me, Joker.
Harley Quinn: Hey! No fair blamin' The J! He's just an honest crook, like the rest of us.
Two Face: Not nearly honest enough.
Penguin: Well put, my dual visaged friend.
Behind them, Two Face's two bodyguards try to intervene with the approaching newcomers, only to fall before their blows. Penguin quickly raises his cocked umbrella while Two Face pulls twin guns; one a silvery tin and the other a plastic black. The two newcomers step into the light and shed their nighttime wardrobes; one a forest green and the other rich furs.
Poison Ivy: Put away the pieces, boys. Their insulting my demeanor.
Catwoman: We've only come to sample the saucers of your company.
Two Face and the Penguin slide their weapons back into their holsters as the women take chairs at the table; Catwoman between Two Face and Penguin with Poison Ivy between Harley Quinn and Two Face.
Two Face: The game's already full, red.
Penguin: Not to mention I'm allergic to cat hair.
Catwoman: Only if it's still attached to its wearer.
Poison Ivy: Hope we're getting on your good side.
Two Face looks to Catwoman and then to Poison Ivy as he speaks.
Two Face: Neither one of you is on my good side.
Joker holds up his hands.
Joker: Ladies, gentlemen, please. This is a friendly game. We're only here to enjoy the quiet solitude of a game of cards.
The Penguin points to his cards.
Penguin: Is that what you call this hand?
Under his breath, Joker mumbles.
Joker: Everyone's a critic.
Harley Quinn suddenly jumps up and aims a giant pop gun at the whole table.
Harley Quinn: Everyone just back off! Mr. J's just dealing the cards. You wanna cry to the sky, then take your blame to the Bat.
Everyone at the table suddenly begins griping under their breaths.
Joker: You said it Harl. Now sit down and put your pee-shooter away, before you scare all the nice hooligans.
Penguin: The only scare at this table thus far is the unwanted mention of that overly protective, winged wannabe.
Two Face: I don't want to hear about any Bat at this table.
Poison Ivy: Scared of a little competition, Harvey?
He glares at her with his acid-scared face, growling.
Two Face: Why don't you say that to my good face?
Poison Ivy: I would if you had one.
Catwoman: I'm tired of getting declawed by that over arrogant, self serving, justice-handling, cop-for-free.
Joker: Come now, Batman's not so bad. He's actually quite nice... in a bodybag kind of a way.
Riddler's voice: Now that's a game worth playing.
Once again the guns come into play and even Harley Quinn pulls out her oversized pop gun as well as everyone spins around to see the Riddler standing there and Mr. Freeze coolly enter the room.
Joker: Is there an open invitation I'm simply not aware of?
Riddler: If there is, then I accept.
He pulls up a chair and sits between Joker and Penguin. When Penguin is not looking he steals his cards. And unknowing to him, Penguin lets him. Mr. Freeze enters into the room.
Mr. Freeze: I'd personally like to see that Bat wing put on ice... for good.
Mr. Freeze slides into position between Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn. Poison Ivy looks over Two Face's shoulder at his cards. He is collecting all 2's.
Poison Ivy: To bad that's not in the cards.
Joker thinks for only a brief moment and then draws a thin, evil grin across his face.
Joker: Well, why not?
The table stops to stare at him. Joker leans in to speak to them all.
Joker: Why are we betting for peanuts when we could be gambling for the greatest joke of them all?
Poison Ivy: And that would be?
Joker: Betting against Batman.
There is a brief moment of silence as each of the villains drink in this new information.
Penguin: And what, pray tell, are you suggesting, my paling, jester?
Joker: We each have a pet peeve on the dratted Bat and his overpowering sense of justice and goodwill. I say we pit our minds and talents against his right of decency. We each create our own bet against that do-gooder and the first one to succeed, wins.
Riddler: A puzzle with a challenge, no doubt.
Two Face: What're the odds?
Joker: Create your bet and I'll give you the odds. The more impossible the bet, the better the odds. Here's an example – the Bat freak has never laughed at any of my jokes.
Harley Quinn: Hey!
Joker: Ok, OUR jokes. We make the Bat laugh, that'll be 5 to 1 odds.
Two Face points at Joker from across the table.
Two Face: Make the bet without your laughing gas, clown, or it's no bet at all.
Both Harley and Joker frown.
Harley Quinn: Do we hafta, boss?
Joker: Why not! It's all in the spirit of fun, after all.
Behind their backs both Joker and Harley Quinn have their fingers crossed.
Joker: Without the gas, 10 to 1 odds.
Penguin: I've sung enough warbles from my own jail cells to summon a flock of penguins from the Artic. I'd like to witness that Bat-brain trapped in a cage of his own for once.
Joker: 12 to 1 odds.
Two Face: I've always wanted to see the other face of the Batman. I'll bring back his mask and his real identity along with it.
This gains an “oooh” from the table.
Joker: That's never been done before. 15 to 1 odds.
Two Face: I didn't say alive.
Joker: Now you're getting into the spirit of things! 20 to 1 odds!
Poison Ivy's fist clenches into a fist.
Poison Ivy: The blood soil of too many of my plants are on his hands. I want to trim his hedge.
She makes a cutting motion across her neck.
Poison Ivy: If you take my meaning.
Joker: If you can pull that off I'll mirror the same odds as Harvey Two Face.
Catwoman: He's got enough toys and gems on that belt of his. I'll help increase your odds, Ivy.
Joker: A bit lame, but ok. 3 to 1 odds.
Catwoman: I'm in it for the win, not for the glory.
Mr. Freeze mechanically interrupts.
Mr. Freeze: I propose what I have said. To put him on ice.. permanently.
Joker: Already suggested, Popsicle-boy, so I'll match your odds as well. 20 to 1.
Riddler: I believe I can beat your odds, Ivy, Ice, and Two Face. I wager that I can make Batman become the greatest puzzle of all – by forcing him to kill someone else.
The jaws on the table pop open at this ludicrous suggestion.
Joker: Are you offering yourself in that position?
Riddler: I am offering no one other than his own Boy Wonder, the thorn in the Bat's side, Robin.
Again, the jaws remain drop.
Joker: Well done! 50 to 1 odds!
Two Face: Easier said that done. If you can get that close, why not just pop the Bat himself?
Riddler: Because, my dual-sided mirage, to have Batman destroy someone else would force him to destroy himself.
Two Face: He's a frame of shattered glass either way. I say we just kill him and be done with it.
Joker: And ruin all our fun? Nonsense! We all have our wagers. The ones to make it back here before the break of day with their bet paid in full will win our jackpot!
Harley Quinn: But boss, how're we gonna get ol' stone face to crack?
Joker: With talent, my dear Harley! And a bit of luck, so let's get crackin'!
The two of them stand up and start to put on their overcoats. Penguin turns to Two Face.
Penguin: The two feathered doves have a point, my dual sided companion. Two odds are better than one.
Two Face: What are you saying, bird brain?
Penguin: We pool our resources. I trap the Bat and you muscle the cowl off his head.
Two Face pulls his coin from his coat.
Two Face: I'll flip you for it. Good heads, yes, bad heads, forget it.
As he goes to flip for it Riddler also stands up to swing on his coat.
Riddler: Gentlemen and ladies, a pleasure. I look forward to seeing you all back here tomorrow night, to share in the victory of my winnings.
As she starts to walk out the Penguin pretends to accidentally bump into him. Mr. Freeze also stands and simply walks out, without saying a word to anyone. Joker notices and speaks to Harley. Catwoman and Poison Ivy are still sitting.
Joker: Sheesh. As frosty as an artic tundra...
Harley Quinn: That's why they call him Mr. Freeze, Mr. J.
Joker looks at her with a confused stare.
Joker: You have an uncanny way of confusing me, Harl.
Harley Quinn: Thanks, J!
Two Face turns to Penguin, his coin on the right side of things.
Two Face: You got a deal, bird.
He walks away and collects his two thugs. He speaks to them.
Two Face: And when he's not looking, he'll get what's coming to him. And then I'll get what's coming to me.
Unawares, Penguin heard every word.
Penguin: On the contrary, I'll be the bird to fly away with all the winnings... even yours.
He shows the wallet he plucked from the Riddler and pockets it. He then quickly waddles after Two Face to catch up, umbrella in hand. Catwoman and Poison Ivy look to each other.
Catwoman: An idea already, red?
Poison Ivy: Yes. Follow that two-faced Harvey and that flat-footed feather-duster. When they fail, we'll be there to lure the Bat to our own garden of terror.
They both chuckle as the Joker finishes putting on his hat and turns to the camera, monstrous smile gleaming.
Joker: This will be a night to remember.
Scene – Gotham police station HQ
Above the city scape's sky, the famous Bat signal is lit, a sure indication of trouble. The Caped Crusaders, Batman and Robin, both swing down to see what is going on. A single cop stands next to the sign. They land and Batman pulls his cape around himself to protect him from the cold of the night.
Batman: Where's Commissioner Gordon?
Officer Montoya: That's why I wanted to call you. He's been kidnapped.
Robin: Any takers?
Officer Montoya: Old friends of yours. The clown and his lady puppet. They're being held...
The Joker and Harley Quinn's story
Scene – outside an abandoned fun house warehouse
We hear the voice of Officer Montoya as the scene pans to a run-down, old warehouse that appears to be deserted.
Officer Montoya's voice: ...at the old FunTacular storage facility. Said to come alone.
Batman and Robin both swing down to the old entrance just to hear the Joker's voice coming from a speaker on the outside of the warehouse. The speaker breaks into his famous horrendous laugh.
Batman: Let the Commissioner go, clown.
Joker's voice: Batman and the Boy Wonder, welcome to a fun filled night of laughter, comedy...
Harley Quinn's voice: And more Hail Mary's than a bus load of puns!
Joker's voice: You said it, Harley.
Behind him they hear the Commissioner's voice.
Commissioner Gordon's voice: You'll never get away with this, Joker!
Joker's voice: Harley, the Commissioner's not playing nice. Let's give him something hearty to eat, with lots of fiber. Like that rope, there!
Harley Quinn's voice: It's good for ya, so eat up!
Commissioner Gordon muffles some complaints as he gets gaged.
Joker: So come on inside, Bats for Brains, enjoy the fun, and feel free to laugh out loud... or you'll never see your Commissioner Gordon again...
At that point the door opens on it's own, allowing the two inside as the Joker breaks forth into another insidious laugh.
Batman: Watch yourself.
Robin: And that's no joke.
They enter into the warehouse and the door slams shut.
Scene – inside the abandoned fun house warehouse
Lights start to come up around the Caped Crusaders, showing their surroundings. They are surrounded by old, abandoned fun house equipment, parts, rides, toys and tools. It appears to be a big mess.
Robin: This place is a maze. How will we ever find them?
Batman: To the Joker, that is the joke.
In front of them a tv lights up with Joker's pasty mug smiling in the screen.
Joker: Greetings, caped guests! Welcome to The Joker's comedy hour! The first and only network dedicated to the best of the Joker's side splitting jokes, chuckles, guffaws, and gags!
We hear a pre-recorded tape of canned applause. Harley Quinn then sticks her face in front of the camera to cut him off.
Harley Quinn: Emphasis on the gags!
She sticks her finger in her mouth, pretending to gag, before disappearing off the screen again. We hear a pre-recorded tape of canned laughter.
Joker: And speaking of gags...
The camera pans over to see Commissioner Gordon, bound and gagged in a chair. Harley Quinn's 2 hyenas are both growling at the Commissioner's feet, tight on their chains. Now it's the Joker's face that appears into the camera.
Joker: The Commissioner is playing better already! Ha!
We hear a pre-recorded tape of canned cheering. From outside the camera we hear Harley Quinn.
Harley Quinn: Better participating then perspirating!
We hear a pre-recorded tape of canned laughter. The Joker doesn't look to happy.
Joker: Just handle the camera, Harl.
Suddenly, he's all smiles again.
Joker: So, follow the sound of the smiles to the rope-bound feet of your dear Commissioner Gordon. And there's a reason why it's called The Joker's Comedy Hour – you have until then before we get permanent smiles from all our participants today! So, until then, heeeears Harley!
We hear a pre-recorded tape of canned applause.
Batman: Come on!
Robin follows Batman as he runs past the tv as the camera pans over to Harley Quinn.
Harley Quinn: And speaking of perspiration...
Scene - inside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Harley Quinn: The Penguin eats so much fish the natural supplement company's want to bottle his sweat and sell it as fish oil!
We hear a pre-recorded tape of canned laughter. Joker is looking down and out of the hidden, 2 way glass mirror, to the maze below where the Caped Crusaders are running like twin dark rats in a long, long maze.
Joker: Come and get me, you grim night watchman. Gimme a grin.
Scene - outside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Down below our heroes run on, looking for a sign to the Commissioner's location. Two thugs come out from behind a tall stack of boxes, both wielding weapons and wearing clown masks. One swings a lead pipe at Robin, who ducks and knees him in the stomach.
Robin: How much longer do we have to put up with this?
Batman simply walks up to the other and indents his face with his fist before the clown can bring his pipe down on him.
Batman: Until we find the Commissioner.
Robin silences his attacker by bringing two hands down on the back of his assailant's neck.
Robin: I meant their lame jokes.
Batman throws a side kick into his assailant, tossing him back into the stack of boxes. He then grimaces.
Batman: Hopefully sooner than that.
On the tv screen behind them Harley continues on.
Harley Quinn: And how does he get around on those flippers of his? Wal-Mart only carries his shoe size in the sports section!
Scene - inside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
The Joker presses a button on the control panel they have to let out a pre-recorded tape of canned laughter. None of it comes from the Dynamic Duo. Joker waves to Harley Quinn, telling her to keep the jokes coming. She wavers.
Harley Quinn: And Two Face, what a guy! He's so backstabbing he wakes up with ginsu's in his own back!
We hear more pre-recorded canned laughter.
Harley Quinn: And whenever he looks in the mirror he orders pizza for four!
Scene - outside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Batman and Robin continue to run on, getting closer to their prey. We hear more pre-recorded canned laughter but again, nothing from the Dynamic Duo. The round a corner only to both slam their elbows into two more unsuspecting clown guards. They drop like unwanted melons. However, Robin does smile.
Robin: You have to admit, that was good.
Batman says nothing.
Robin: Or not...
Scene - inside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Harley Quinn has appeared to have lost her steam.
Harley Quinn: I dunno, boss, those guys seem more like the Dynamic Dunce to me.
Joker: That's because it needs to be done with flair, Harley! Stand aside!
Joker now steps in front of the camera. We hear more pre-recorded canned applause and the Joker takes several bows.
Joker: No, you're too kind, thank you and thank you. And spank me! I owe all that I am this day to a tub of toxic goo, a drunken plastic surgeon, and a really cheesy “knock knock” joke book. With that type of bad luck you can be as famous as me too!
We hear a drum roll and cymbal clash.
Joker: But Harley's right, gentlemen and gingivitis, ol' Harvey is a bit too side stepping, if you know what I mean. For instance, if we were to cut him in half would the two halves just fight each other?
The camera swings wide to show Harley Quinn play the drum roll and cymbal clash. It then swings back to the Joker.
Joker: But seriously, folks, just not too much... does Catwoman ever get tired of coughing up her own hairballs? Yuck.
More canned laughter.
Scene - outside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Batman and Robin are engaged in taking out two more clown thugs. Batman drops a ridge-hand chop to the back of his attacker's neck while Robin uppercuts the chin of his.
Joker: No wonder she's still single.
He leans in to give an 'aside' to the camera.
Joker: She's probably not even housebroken.
Again, Batman grimaces as his attacker tries to get his second wind.
Batman: Now he's hitting below the belt.
The attacker now screams and rushes at Batman, who drops down in a crouch and pummels him in the stomach.
Scene - inside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Joker leans away to stand in front of the camera again.
Joker: And that Riddler! I'll bet HIS underwear is even questionable. Plus, who can say how long it's been since Poison Ivy pulled the weeds out of her tights. Who knows if those are even her real clothes! It's probably just moss growing all over her, weaved into her unshaven legs!
He breaks into another vile fit of laughter until Joker gets hit in the head with a drum stick. The camera quickly pans over to Harley on the drum set.
Harley Quinn: Hey! Don't talk about red that way! She's may be a cutthroat but she's a friend of mine!
Joker's voice (off camera): True true, Harley.
The camera swings back to him and he gives another 'aside.'
Joker: Still makes you wonder, though. I hear she is European...
Harley Quinn's voice (off camera): I heard that!
Scene - outside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Batman and Robin are still running around, trying to find the control booth.
Batman: Come on! He's running out of jokes!
Robin: How can you tell!
Batman: The Joker has a short attention span. And when the fuse cuts short, it tends to blow.
Robin: Can't argue with that.
Batman stops running and looks around. Four more clowns surround them, all spinning, hefting, or swinging weapons. Above their heads he starts to inspect all the wiring in the building. He follows it with his eyes to a central source.
Scene - inside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Joker is again looking down at the Caped Crusaders, tapping his finger unhappily on the control panel.
Joker: He's still not laughing. And I threw my best knee-slappers at him...
Harley responds, yawning.
Harley Quinn: Told ya so.
The Joker's eyes then light up with an idea and his face tightens into an evil smile. He holds his finger over a large, red button with a smiling clown face on it.
Joker: Harley, I've been a naughty boy. Come on over here and slap my hand.
Harley Quinn: Oh, Mr. J, I'll slap more than that if you want.
Joker suddenly reacts mad.
Joker: I'll slap you silly if you don't...
Harley Quinn: Calm down, don't blow yer gasket.
She approaches him from the drum set and slaps his hand, which pushes the button.
Harley Quinn: Naughty boy...
Outside the hiss of equipment and steam lets loose with a streaming torrent of green laughing gas, which pours into the warehouse.
Joker: Whoopsie. I guess ol' Batsy will have no choice but to laugh now.
He starts to laugh again, starting down low and letting it build higher and higher.
Scene - outside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Robin is fighting two of the Joker's goons at once. Suddenly, the laughing gas starts rolling towards them and getting closer.
Robin: Batman! His fuse just...
Batman: Hold on!
Batman points to a central point where all the wires converge together to a black booth in the back of the building with the picture of a large clown on the side.
Batman: There!
They both pull out their grappling hook launchers and fire at the ceiling. The cables both wrap around the metal rafters and each hero is pulled off of their feet as the eerie, green gas washes around where their feet once stood. The Joker's goons are surrounded by the green gas and they fall to their feet, twitching wildly and laughing uncontrolably. Batman and Robin fly across the top of the warehouse, swinging towards the clown painted on one side of the black booth.
Scene - inside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
Standing behind the Joker Harley Quinn is pointing towards the 2 way stained glass window, trembling.
Harley Quinn: Mr. J...?
He turns to her, angry.
Joker: What is it?
He follows her finger to look out the window as both Batman and Robin come swinging in towards them. Screaming like a little girl, Joker throws his arms around his head and dives to the floor. Glass shatters all around them as the Dynamic Duo smash the glass and land in the control booth. Harley Quinn pulls out her large pop gun as Batman and Robin both scatter. She fires off a few shots at Batman as Robin launches a Batarang to knock the gun out of her hand. Batman then goes for the Joker who backs up, smiling evilly.
Joker: Would it kill ya just to laugh once!
He fires a burst of flame from a flower on his lapel but Batman ducks underneath the flame. He then comes up underneath to uppercut him in the face. Meanwhile, Robin chases Harley Quinn to her hyenas. She stops to set them free.
Harley Quinn: Get 'im, babies!
Robin now has both dogs and Harley Quinn to deal with. Batman is fighting with the Joker, and Batman dodges almost his every move. Joker throws a punch that Batman sidesteps. Joker throws another punch that Batman spins to duck underneath. At the same time Batman turns his momentum into a footsweep that catches the Joker and throws him off of his feet. He lands with a thud and Joker returns to his feet with a snarl. Joker grabs a lead pipe and starts swinging it at Batman's head.
Joker: I think it was the Joker, in the control room, with the lead pipe!
As the Joker lets out another terrible laugh he lands a lucky punch that throws Batman to the far side of the wall.
Joker: I was right!
Batman recovers and comes at the Joker again. On the other side of the control room Robin is also having problems of his own. Robin has pulled out one of his Bat-Bolos and one of the dogs has bitten onto the weapon and is shaking it. The other dog is behind him, barking wildly. Harley Quinn is trying to get around them and to her gun.
Harley Quinn: That's it, babies! Just keep the bad bird boy off of mommie!
She's able to get around them and runs to her gun. Robin then trips over the second dog, who attacks his face. Harley Quinn gets her gun and swings it around to finish off Robin.
Meanwhile, Joker tries to take Batman's head off and Batman ducks. He then throws another uppercut, tossing the Joker's head back and makes him drop his pipe. Batman then spins to drive an elbow into the Joker's midsection and finishes with a roundhouse that throws the Joker against the far wall.
Back to Robin, he's able to pull his Bat-Bolos from the first dog's mouth and spins to throw it at Harley Quinn. The Bolos wrap around her hands like a whip and Robin pulls her towards him.
Harley Quinn: Hey!
She now can't shoot, for fear of hitting her dogs.
Harley Quinn: No fair! Look out, babies! Mommie doesn't want to shoot you!
On the far side of the room Joker wipes the spittle from his mouth and tries to sit up.
Joker: For all the games you play, you sure are a cheater, Batsy!
Batman strides towards him.
Batman: And you're a fool, Joker, if you think you can escape with the Commissioner.
Joker just smiles as he reaches behind him.
Joker: It's what I do best!
At the point, Commissioner Gordon is able to free the gag from his mouth.
Commissioner Gordon: Batman, he's got a tommy gun!
Joker whips the machine gun out from behind his back and opens fire on Batman, who is forced to duck and cover – except there is no cover. Harley Quinn screams at him.
Harley Quinn: You shoot my babies and you're dead, clown!
Batman looks and sees the control panel.
Joker: Trapped like a Bat in a barrel. No where to run, Batman!
Batman pulls out a Batarang and holds it high. Joker laughs again.
Joker: Go ahead! I'm game! But you only get one shot and then... he he... I get hundreds!
Joker cocks the weapon and waits. Batman raises his Batarang, but then turns and throws it at the control panel. The air conditioning unit turns on and begins to pull the laughing gas into the room. Joker screams like a little girl again and backs up.
Batman: Time for a taste of your own medicine, Joker.
Harley drops the gun and jumps up.
Harley Quinn: Well, this has been another presentation of The Joker Hour. Tune in next time...
Joker is already running to the back of the room.
Joker: Shut it and run, Harley!
She follows behind him and Batman chases after them.
Harley Quinn: Same Bat time, same Bat channel!
The two of them disappear down an escape hatch. Batman tries to open it but it's been barred from the other side.
Scene – outside an abandoned fun house warehouse
Joker and Harley Quinn land in the alleyway behind the warehouse.
Harley Quinn: Gee, talk about a cancellation. And I thought Fox was bad...
Joker: Then you've never watched the “Bat network.” He'll be through that hole any moment. We have to get out of here.
Harley Quinn is standing against an old, leather tarp.
Harley Quinn: Ahem.
She pulls it back to show a shiny, nice Harley Davidson motorcycle. Joker grins.
Joker: Harley, you're the greatest.
She lets out a happy, little squeal. The two of them then quickly drive away.
Scene - inside the control booth of the fun house warehouse
The gas is growing closer as Robin opens his Bat-knife and is cutting the Commissioner loose.
Commissioner Gordon: Batman! The gas is getting closer!
Batman: Over here!
Both Robin and Commissioner Gordon run over to Batman and join him by the escape hatch. Batman and Robin throw their cape around themselves, forming a shell to keep out the gas. Batman pulls out a small bottle and starts to pour it a jelly-like liquid around the hatch seal.
Commissioner Gordon: What's that?
Batman: Portable nitroglycerin. When I blow the hatch we'll have to move quickly.
He sticks a small humming device in the jelly and pulls his cape around him, pulling Commissioner Gordon under his cape. Robin seals him against the gas with his own cape and turns away. There is a small explosion behind them.
Batman: Now!
The three of them hold their breaths and move to escape down the blown hatch.
Scene – outside an abandoned fun house warehouse
Batman and Robin land in the same alleyway behind the warehouse. The Joker and Harley Quinn are already long gone. Batman pulls out a radio.
Batman: I've signaled the closest precinct. Someone should be here to pick you up.
Commissioner Gordon: I'll get my men out combing the streets for that lunatic before he can cause any more trouble.
Batman: He'll be underground before you get a lock on him. Even he's not crazy enough to try something else that insane in one night.
An undercover cop car then pulls up with a red, flashing light in the windshield and a large detective gets out, holding a toothpick in his mouth.
Detective Bullock: Commish, I heard the news on the horn. You alright?
Commissioner Gordon: I am now, thanks to Batman.
Batman looks to the police radio as it starts to call out an APB.
Dispatcher's voice: Calling all cars in the vicinity of 2nd street and 4th north. Second National Bank reports burglary in progress. Assailants are armed and dangerous. Please advise.
Detective Bullock: This caped geek is a loose cannon, Commish. Should I put the cuffs on him?
Commissioner Gordon turns around but Batman and Robin are gone. Commissioner Gordon looks into the sky.
Commissioner Gordon: Not in million years, Bullock. Not in million years.
The Penguin and Two Face's story
Scene – over the cityscape of Gotham's nightlife
Batman and Robin are running and swinging over the buildings of Gotham, towards their next destination. They talk as they run.
Robin: What's the hurry?
Batman: The Second National Bank on 2nd street. 2 plus 2 equals 4. 4th street.
Robin: Two Face.
Batman: Right. And the Second National Bank is across the way from “The Parakeet Palace.”
Robin: And The Penguin?
Batman: Only makes sense. When we get into the building stay back... and watch mine.
They swing down to their final destination and land on top of the bank.
Scene – outside the Second National Bank
On the roof of the bank Batman uses a Bat-bar to open an air conditioning vent and they climb in.
Scene – inside the Second National Bank
They are crawling through the air vents and come to a T junction. Batman makes some hand gestures and Robin nods. They separate; Batman crawls down one way and Robin down another.
Scene – inside the Second National Bank
Robin opens a second vent and slips into an office in the front of the bank. Carefully, he peeks through one of the slitted blinds in the closed window. Through the slitted blinds he sees The Penguin rooting through the bank's vault. Two of Two Face's dual-masked guards stand by, holding machine guns. Robin very carefully opens the door and lets one Batarang fly. It hits the head of one, which causes the other to look over at him. Robin takes advantage of the distraction by hitting him with a second Batarang. Both fall to the ground without making a sound.
Scene – inside the Second National Bank
Batman then drops out of a second air vent which lands him in front of the vault. Pulling his cape around him he approaches the Penguin from behind like a shadowy behemoth. The Penguin doesn't seem to notice Batman coming up behind him.
Scene – inside the vault
Batman enters the vault and reaches to grab the Penguin – but he suddenly shimmers and disappears. The vault's bared door suddenly swings closed, trapping Batman inside. He instantly hears the Penguin's squawking laughter and he waddles up to the caged bars to rap his umbrella on the bars.
Penguin: I fine cage, I must admit. Strong enough to hold the bravest of birds... or even one bold bat.
Batman reaches in his cape to throw a Batarang at the Penguin but Penguin fires a cloud of gas in his face instead. Batman falls backwards, dropping the Batarang, gasping for breath.
Penguin: A burst of sleeping gas to soar you up to cloud 9, amongst the eagles, pigeons... and vultures.
Batman struggles to escape as Two Face then appears to stand next to the Penguin.
Two Face: Don't make it hard on yourself, Bat. We knew you were coming so I brought twice as many guards.
He snaps and several guards like the ones Robin knocked out appear behind him.
Batman: Whatever you're doing... you won't...
He continues to struggle but falls over with his cape over his face.
Penguin: A downed bird, fresh for the plucking, my dual personage comrade.
Grimly, Two Face steps forward with his guards.
Penguin: He's all yours. Cook his goose.
Penguin steps back and the bared door opens. Two Face steps in with 4 guards: 2 on one side of Batman and 2 on the other. The guards are carrying pipes, chains, crowbars, and baseball bats. Two Face stands at the head of Batman and kneels down, preparing to take his cowled mask off.
Two Face: Now, let's see who's in his second skin.
Two Face rolls Batman over and pulls his cape back, only to find out that Batman is wearing a miniature gas mask. Batman glares at Two Face with a scowl ready to strike. Two Face reaches to pull his gun.
Two Face: Of all the double-crossing...
He doesn't get to finish his line as Batman punches him in the face. From outside the vault Robin lets a series of exploding gas pellets fly inside, over the Penguin's shoulder. The explosions give Batman the distraction he needs to strike. As smoke floods into the vault Batman takes out two of the guards with a footsweep that rights him to his feet. One of the other guards tries to hit Batman but he blocks him. He then backhands both guards and drops them. Penguin growls at Robin, glaring at him.
Penguin: You give birds a bad name, Robin!
Scene – inside the Second National Bank
The Penguin turns and waddles away from Robin, who chases after him. Two Face has recovered and is grappling with Batman. Batman pulls free, punches Two Face with a double-handed fist – one for each face, - and dives for the door. He tucks into a roll and escapes the vault.
Robin: The only cage in your future, Penguin, is the Penitentiary.
Penguin starts to back up from Robin, opening up his umbrella between the two of them. The smoke from Robin's explosive bombs flows out of the vault's door. All 4 of Two Face's guards are standing; one pair on each side of the two faced gangster. Two Face speaks to Batman.
Two Face: I said I'd bring your unmasked face in. I didn't say if you were dead or alive.
He quickly flips his coin and catches it. He looks it over quickly and then glares at Batman.
Two Face: Apparently, it's dead.
He points at Batman.
Two Face: Kill the Bat!
His guards all rush towards Batman, who sprints to the side of the vault. Two Face and his guards all now exit the vault. The first two that Robin knocked out with his Batarang now wake up and chase after Robin, one of the left and one on the right. Two Face pulls out a walkie talkie and speaks to the two guards in the vault's control room.
Two Face: Get in here, now!
Robin pairs off from Penguin.
Robin: Robin verses the Penguin. And the odds are in my favor.
Penguin: So it appears. Time to trim this bird's flying feathers.
He pushes a button and blades start spinning from the end of his umbrella.
Penguin: Propellors are perilous to famed, flying foes.
Robin begins to back away from the Penguin's umbrella's blades. Two Face pulls out two guns, one white and one black, and starts shooting. Batman now runs towards Two Face and his guards. Robin also drops to the ground. Batman weaves back and and forth, dodging Two Face's fire. As he dodges the bullets the Penguin becomes the recipient of Two Face's fire. This forces the Penguin to open his umbrella again. The bullets bounce off of his umbrella and away from the Penguin.
Penguin: Stop shooting, you fools! Our quarry has swooped to attack!
Batman now runs into the midsts of Two Face's 4 guards. Robin stands before the Penguin. Again, his umbrella's blades pop open and come at Robin to slice him open. What Robin doesn't see are two of Two Face's guards coming up behind him to grab him. Two of Two Face's guards join the Penguin from behind him.
Penguin: The odds are now in my favor.
The other two guards from the control room sneak up on Robin from behind.
Meanwhile, Batman is in the thick of Two Face's 4 guards and Two Face himself. Batman plows an uppercut into the chin of one as two from behind grab him; one on each side. Two Face and the other guard both punch at Batman's face, who ducks, and they accidentally punch their own people. Batman then lets a roundhouse kick fly that catches the faces of both Two Face and the guard.
Penguin is holding Robin at bay as two of Two Face's guards prepare to jump him as the other two sneak up on him from behind.
Penguin: Dive at him, my little flock!
Robin suddenly sees the guard's shadows as they are coming up behind him, but too late. The two grab him from behind and The Penguin cackles happily.
Penguin: And that's why they travel in pairs.
The other two rush forward to pummel him. Robin raises his feet and kicks into the faces of the two rushing him. He then pulls downward and throws the two holding onto him over his shoulders. They fall forward and have to force themselves to keep from running into the Penguin's umbrella blades.
Penguin: He's outflown you all! Get him!
They turn to get him again but he jumps at the group with a flying leap kick. He kicks one in the face, using the momentum to jump off of the one and into the face of the other with a lunge punch. The third guard throws a punch that Robin ducks. Robin then lands an uppercut to the third guard and kicks the forth with a roundhouse. All 4 guards stagger back, recover, and come at him again. Without stepping away from his position, he jumps up in spinning flip kick that knocks them all unconscious to the floor. All that remains is the Penguin.
Robin: Now it's just you and me, birdbrain.
The Penguin grits his teeth and prepares to fight Robin.
On the other side of the room Batman pairs himself off from Two Face.
Two Face: I'll take that cowl off of your head even if I have to rip it off.
Batman: You're taking twice as long to do it.
Two Face: I'll do it in half the time.
Two Face reaches out to grab Batman, who dodges out of the way. One of Two Face's guards comes to and stands up. Batman turns to punch him and then dodges another attack from Two Face. Another guard stands and Batman has to punch him down, too. This allows Two Face to grab Batman in a head lock and try to pull his mask off. Batman grabs one arm with one hand and the other with the other. As they are struggling, Two Face's men continue to stand up and Batman continues to have to kick them down. They distract Batman long enough to keep him from getting Two Face off of him.
Robin and Penguin are fighting and Penguin is trying to zip Robin's head free from his shoulders. The Penguin is lunging, thrusting, and slicing with his umbrella to try and slice Robin but Robin is able to dodge him.
Robin: You can't cut what you can't catch.
Squawking, the Penguin puts the umbrella's blades away and fires another round of sleeping gas at Robin. Robin is forced to throw his cape over his head to block the effects of the sleeping gas. The Penguin then shoulders past Robin, shoving him over, as he runs towards Two Face and tries to escape. Robin speaks to himself from under his cape.
Robin: What's the matter, Penguin? Chicken?
Robin then throws out his hands. A handful of black marbles rolls out towards him as Penguin reaches Two Face.
Penguin: Hurry and procure his cowl, before his fledgling recovers!
The Penguin reaches back to stab Batman with a blade from his umbrella when Two Face shouts at him.
Two Face: What have you done? You've left Robin...
The Penguin spins in time to see the marbles catch up to them. The Penguin is the first to step on them and he falls forward, shoving into Two Face. Two Face then looses his step and they both fall down.
Two Face: ...open to attack us from behind!
Two Face releases Batman as they fall and Batman pulls himself free. He pulls out 2 pairs of Batcuffs but Penguin glares at him.
Penguin: This is only over... for now!
From the floor he then fires something into the ceiling that explodes. Trying to get away from the sleeping gas Robin is running to join them. Robin points to the ceiling.
Robin: Holy smoke, Batman!
Batman now dives at him to throw him to the ground.
Batman: Look out!
They both crash to the ground but when they look up it was only a smoke bomb and both Two Face and the Penguin are gone.
Robin: They're getting away!
They both jump up and run outside.
Scene – outside the Second National Bank
They run outside in time to see a helicopter flying away.
Batman: Seems to be our luck tonight.
At that moment a handful of cop cars arrive at the scene and Commissioner Gordon is the first to get to Batman and Robin.
Commissioner Gordon: Same flair of dramatics?
Robin: And efficiency.
Batman: Two Face and the Penguin have escaped. Their thugs are still inside for you.
Commissioner Gordon: What were they after?
Batman: Me.
Commissioner Gordon: Twice in one night. Seems a little odd.
Robin: No, seems very odd.
Batman stares across the street at something on top of a tall building.
Commissioner Gordon: Any idea what's going on?
Batman: No. But I will.
He fires his grappling hook launcher and flies off. They look to where he lands – across the street on top of a building, where Catwoman is standing, watching them. Robin speaks to Commissioner Gordon as he folds his arms.
Robin: One thing I've learned. Never interrupt a man when he's calling on his woman.
Commissioner Gordon: Even when she's a known felon?
Robin: You mean feline?
Commissioner Gordon: Enough of the puns.
Robin smiles but just shrugs.
Robin: It's not a perfect world yet.
Catwoman & Poison Ivy's story
Scene – Across the street from the Second National Bank
Batman lands on top of the building he and Robin were on before they entered the Second National Bank, where Catwoman is standing. She is petting her black cat Isis, who is draped comfortably in her arms.
Catwoman: Quite the show, Dark Knight.
Batman: What brings you out here on a night like this?
Catwoman: The weather's no bother. Certainly worth the show. Care to share the backstage secrets?
Batman: Two Face and the Penguin were determined to unmask me. You wouldn't know anything about that, now, would you?
Catwoman: Can't say I do, or that I blame them. Everyone wants to know the mystery behind the mask.
She lowers her cat to the ground, who purrs herself up against Batman's boot.
Batman: You of all people understand the importance of secrecy... Ms. Kyle.
She now turns away from him and folds her arms.
Catwoman: You're hitting below the belt, Batman. Knowing who I am, but I still don't know who you are.
Batman comes up behind her and puts a hand on her shoulder.
Batman: I'm sorry. You know I can't reveal my identity to you. To anyone.
She now speaks over her shoulder.
Catwoman: You told the bird boy?
He now narrows his eyes.
Batman: That's different.
She turns away again.
Catwoman: So you told the bird but not the cat.
Batman: Salina...
She now turns around and puts a finger on his lips.
Catwoman: Don't say a word. That's twice below the belt. And this time...
Catwoman's cat Isis now hisses at Batman.
Catwoman: ...it'll cost you.
She suddenly sprints away and Batman realizes she's stolen his belt. She holds it up in the air for him to see, hiding halfway behind a chimney.
Catwoman: Care to have it back, Batman? You'll have to steal it from me!
She vanishes behind the chimney and Batman growls.
Batman: Not my idea of an evening stroll.
Scene – chase over the rooftops
He takes off after her and the chase is on. Batman is running over rooftop and every time he sees Catwoman she is just one step ahead of him. Every time she gets within view she'll already zipping behind something else. He jumps over a rooftop and she calls after him.
Catwoman: Come on, Batman! You're loosing your touch!
Again, he continues to chase her. She turns and casts her whip to wrap around a low hanging pole and begins to swing. Batman comes to a stop as he runs out of buildings and stops on the edge. Down on the ground Catwoman vanishes behind a hedge, leading into one of the city's public gardens. Again, he glares.
Batman: Catwoman, I smell a rat.
Without his toys he lowers himself down the building on the drainpipe and runs to the entrance of the gardens.
Scene – entrance to the garden maze
He spreads out his cape to cover his whole body and strides, ever watchful, into the gardens. At the end of the maze of hedges, ahead of him, Catwoman pokes her head out, his belt in hand.
Catwoman: You can't be getting tired now, we've just started.
She disappears further into the maze as Batman runs after her again. He comes to the end of the maze and again, Catwoman's heels vanish around another bend. Batman chases her one more time and stops to look around. He realizes he's now lost.
Batman: Salina! Enough of these cat and mouse games!
Off in the distance of the maze he hears her call to him.
Catwoman: Come and find me, Batman!
Again, Batman moves through the maze towards her voice, grumbling. He continues to get lost in the maze and becomes more frustrated. Suddenly, the sound of a power saw engine comes to life somewhere behind him. He spins around, throwing out his cape in a battle position, but there is nothing there. A live chain saw blade then comes at him through the hedges, slicing at his head. He dodges out of the way as another slices through the other side of the hedges, slicing for his torso. He drops to his knees and rolls forward, dodging both blades. He looks up to see Catwoman waving his belt before him.
Catwoman: A clean shave, Batman! Care to cut it a little closer?
Again, she runs off and Batman chases after her.
Batman: Catwoman! This is no game!
As he rounds the corner he is forced to duck as a hefty gardener guard tries to clip his head from his neck with large pruning shears. Batman rotates under the attack and plants his fist into the hedge trimmer's gut. The gardener guard recuperates and throws a wild backhand at Batman, which he ducks again. Batman then plants a thorny fist into the gardener guard's face, dropping him. Again, Catwoman appears at the end of the hedge.
Catwoman: Playing with the help, Batman? Come tame this tiger!
Batman: Stop!
He chases after her, having to dodge two more attacks through the hedges with hedge trimmers. Angry, Batman now rounds the hedge to see one of the assailants with the hedge trimmer. The gas-powered weapon hums with power as he comes at Batman, weapon raised high. He slashes at Batman, who ducks back and drops a fist across his face. Another slash and Batman jumps backwards. The gardener guard comes at him with weapon raised over his head. Batman prepares to react but is suddenly grabbed from behind by the gardener guard who had the large pruning shears. Batman struggles to free himself from this attacker as the gas-powered hedge trimmer comes closer. Batman finally side-steps behind his grappling assailant and throws him over his shoulder and into the gardener guard with the hedge trimmer. Batman strides towards them and the gardener guard who carried the pruning shears is knocked out cold. The other raises his head, dazed, but a quick kick from Batman drops his head to the ground.
Scene – the center of the maze
Batman rounds the corner to find a clearing in the maze of hedges lined with trees. Cobblestone sidewalks line the ground. It appears deserted. Again, Batman folds out his cape to engulf his body as he walks into the clearing.
Batman: Catwoman?
No answer as he moves closer into the clearing. He hears the snap of a twig and Batman spins, throwing out his cape, and ready to attack. Suddenly, a vine whip lashes out and catches Batman's raised hand. He spins to see one of the gardeners pulling him closer. He struggles to resist as it pulls him back but another vine lashes out, catching his other hand. The second vine is held by another gardener and the two start to pull him towards one of the trees. Batman struggles to resist them, and begins to win, when Catwoman's whip lashes around his midsection. She is standing behind the tree and she puts one foot against the tree and pulls. The three of them are able to pull him into place where a net of vines falls down over him, trapping him into place. Catwoman pulls off her whip and starts to coil it up again as she approaches Batman with one of the gardener guards. Catwoman has Batman's utility belt draped around her shoulders like a bandoleer.
Batman: What's this all about?
Poison Ivy's voice: A little bet that we're about to collect on, Batman. Starting with the price on your head.
Catwoman is suddenly joined from the other side by Poison Ivy. Batman grits his teeth.
Batman: Poison Ivy. I should've known.
Poison Ivy takes one of the hedge trimmers from one of the gardener guards.
Batman: And after all the fun we've had together?
Catwoman: I'm a woman who needs commitment, Batman. Trust and fun only go so far, and then a woman simply needs more.
Poison Ivy: And I'm a woman who needs less... of you.
She now thumbs the hedge trimmer on.
Poison Ivy: This is one garden that is overdue for a trim!
She moves in to slice his head free of his shoulders when suddenly a Bat-bolo and cable wrap around Poison Ivy's hands. The cable pulls the weapon away from Batman, making Poison Ivy and Catwoman both turn to see Robin in a tree behind them.
Poison Ivy: No!
Robin raises another hand and throws another handful of smoke bombs, which detonate in the center of the maze and force everyone to stop and cough. This allows Robin to throw another Batarang, which slices Batman free of the vines. Batman then reaches out and punches Poison Ivy through the net of vines. Robin jumps down to join Batman as he rips the vines off of him. Poison Ivy and Catwoman all back up with their gardener guards, smiling grimly.
Batman: Perfect timing.
Robin: I figured it was too late for a date. Especially with all the rest of the weirdness going on tonight.
Batman: Doesn't look like it's over.
Robin looks over to see the bad guys just standing there, looking happy and grim.
Robin: Hey, what gives?
Robin suddenly gets smacked in the face with the flat end of a shovel, which throws him sprawling. Batman suddenly looks to the side to see a burly red-head in blue coveralls wielding a shovel.
Vonda: You! Like an uprooted tree!
Batman: And you are?
The newcomer executes a deadly display of spinning her weapon like a martial arts expert and speaks with a heavy Austrian accent. Strapped to her back are an assortment of weapons: a pitchfork, a rake, and a garden hoe. She carries a pair of pruning shears on her hip.
Vonda: My name is Vonda, the Norwegian Gardener.
She sticks her shovel in the ground and pulls out her own pair of pruning shears. She holds the shears upward.
Vonda: And I'm here to cut... you up!
She then slices it closed in a threatening manner. Robin is still laying on the ground and nursing his bashed face.
Robin: That is just wrong!
Screaming, Vonda rushes at Batman, slicing as she goes. Batman dodges once, twice, three times and then backs up to Robin.
Batman: Are you alright?
Robin stands up on his own. He says “Norway” in a mocking accent tone.
Robin: I'll feel better when we ship her back to “Norway.”
Vonda attacks again and Batman slips to one side and Robin slips to the other. Vonda looses the pruning shears by throwing them at Batman. He ducks low and the pruning shears stick into a tree. Vonda backhand's Robin to the face and then draws her pitchfork. Vonda spins and throws the pitchfork at Robin.
Batman: Robin!
The teeth of the pitchfork catch to either side of Robin's neck, pinning him to another tree.
Vonda: I'll shred ya both, ya girly man!
She pulls the rake free of her harness and swipes it a few times at Batman's head, forcing him to duck again. After Batman ducks another swing he quickly steps on the rake so that she can't pull it up. Batman plows a fist into her face, forcing to drop the rake. He then kicks the rake aside and strides towards her. Robin is still trying to free himself of the pitchfork as Vonda wipes the spittle from her face.
Vonda: You vill pay for zat, you puny American!
Reaching back, she now pulls the hoe free from her back.
Robin: Look out, Batman! She has a hoe!
Vonda now spins about, her eyes as wide as saucers.
Vonda: I hate it when people call me that!
Robin seems to shrink in his trapped predicament.
Robin: Oh boy...
Screaming, she attacks him, intending to take his head off. Batman runs up behind and grabs the back of the hoe's blade, forcing her to stop. She spins around, backhanding him and sending him sprawling into the shovel. They both fall to the ground. She now raises the hoe above her head and charges at him.
Vonda: I'll sow ya back to the fertile soil that spawned ya!
On the ground, Batman spies the garden rake and uses his leg to push it towards her. In classic cartoon format she steps on the rake and the handle flips up to smack her in the face. Batman then grabs the shovel and 'thwaks' her across the face. A moment later, stunned, she collapses to the ground. Robin now pushes the pitchfork free from the tree and joins Batman.
Robin: Now that's what I call raking it in.
One of Poison Ivy's wrist crossbows suddenly flies by their head. They look over to see Catwoman, their gardener guards, and Poison Ivy re-entering the fray.
Poison Ivy: I'll bury you in compost, Batman!
Batman: We're not out of the woods yet.
They turn back to back as the gardener guards attack them with the hedge trimmers again. One punch from each and two gardener guards stagger back. The other two move forward to take their place with the trimming shears. Batman throws a side kick to double his attacker over. Robin throws his attacker back also with another roundhouse. Batman then hoists his attacker over his shoulder, who then slams into both of Robin's attackers and they tumble to the ground. Poison Ivy then steps forward and tears the hedge trimmer away from the gardener guard.
Poison Ivy: Never send a dozen men to do the job of one woman.
She then backhands the gardener guard to send him flying. Poison Ivy approaches Batman while Catwoman stalks to intercept Robin.
Catwoman: This cat'll swallow the canary.
Robin moves away from Batman to create some fighting space and narrows his eyes.
Robin: Your move, Snowball.
Catwoman raises her hands and sharp claws extend out from each glove. Hissing, she then jumps forward and begins to slash at Robin.
Batman is already ducking and dodging Poison Ivy's enraged attacks with the hedge trimmer. Every chance he gets Batman is returning slash for attack. She backs up and wipes her face free of spit from one of Batman's punches.
Batman: You're getting slow, Ivy.
Poison Ivy: And you're getting dead!
She comes at him again, slashing more.
Robin dodges Catwoman's slashing attacks and trips over Vonda's hoe. Catwoman then pounces to claw him but Robin catches her hands. He then puts his foot in her gut and kicks her over his shoulder. As she falls over his shoulder Robin pulls Batman's belt off of her. With a shriek Catwoman falls into the bushes. Robin stands to kick the hoe out from underneath him.
Robin: That hoe's gonna kill me yet.
Suddenly Catwoman's whip lashes out and ties Robin to a tree. Grumbling, she crawls out of the bushes.
Catwoman: You don't know how right you are about that.
She turns to Poison Ivy.
Catwoman: Ivy! Pull up your roots! It's time to make tracks!
Robin also yells to Batman.
Robin: Batman!
Batman turns as Robin throws his belt to him. Poison Ivy slashes again at Batman's head and he ducks. As she misses he hits her with an uppercut. Poison Ivy falls back, courtesy of another one of Batman's punches. She looks to Catwoman and growls at Batman.
Poison Ivy: Don't loose your head, Batman!
Stepping back, she throws the hedge trimmer at Batman's head. Batman ducks and the trimmer flies over his head. He spins in time to see that it's headed toward Robin, who is trapped against the tree behind him by Catwoman's whip. He quickly hurls his belt at the flying trimmer. It hits the trimmer and causes it to fall away from Robin. It strikes into the tree, turned off, inches from Robin's head. Batman hurries over to Robin to free him.
Robin: Thanks, partner.
They look over the scene with all the gardener guards knocked out. When Robin is freed Batman puts his belt back on.
Batman: Catwoman and Poison Ivy got away.
Robin: I'm personally glad they did, otherwise I wouldn't be here to be grateful. Ivy mentioned a bet?
Batman: Yes. Which explains why the villains have been so determined to catch us off guard.
Robin: What's the next move?
Batman: There are two more villains on the loose. The Riddler and Mr. Freeze.
Robin: So we go after them?
Batman: I'm not sure. At this point I'm afraid we have no choice but to play into their hands. But I have a plan. Let's go.
Scene – entrance to the garden maze
Detective Bullock's car pulls up. Commissioner Gordon, Officer Montoya, and Commissioner Gordon get out.
Officer Montoya: This is where the disturbance was reported, Commissioner.
Commissioner Gordon's cell phone rings and he answers it.
Commissioner Gordon: Gordon here. Robin! What's going on?
Detective Bullock: Geez. Doesn't that panty-hose goon ever slow down?
Officer Montoya: If he did you'd be overbooked.
Commissioner Gordon lowers the phone and points into the maze.
Commissioner Gordon: Sounds like Batman left us some parting gifts. The center of the maze.
Montoya steps onto the curb and goes to bring back Poison Ivy's thugs. Bullock takes his time to follow.
Detective Bullock: Commish, you sure Batman ain't the one pulling all the strings?
Commissioner Gordon: Did you come to ask 20 questions or to collar an entire gang?
Detective Bullock: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know a “get to work” when I hear it.
He walks away and Commissioner Gordon speaks into the phone again.
Commissioner Gordon: Ok, Batman, now what's this plan of yours?
The Riddler's story
Scene – on the Gotham freeway
Batman and Robin are driving along in the Batmobile. Batman pulls the cell phone from his ear and hangs it up. Robin is in the passenger seat with his arms folded.
Robin: Do you think your plan will work
Batman: It'd better. Otherwise this may all start over again tomorrow night.
Robin: Yeah, and with the odds doubled, they're sure to up the ante.
Batman: Exactly.
Scene – a four way traffic intersection
From an exterior view, the Batmobile flies by. Batman is forced to slam on the brakes as he comes across a traffic jam up ahead. They look ahead at the cars packed in tight at the intersection to see the traffic lights all flashing in a non-consistent pattern. People are all standing around, inspecting their accidents. Robin points to the traffic lights.
Robin: Look. The traffic lights are blinking out of succession.
Batman: No, they are blinking in succession, just not the way the city set them up. It's Morse Code.
Batman watches the blinks, trying to figure out the code.
Batman: It says, “Where at home do wear 3/4ths of a container?”
Robin: Oh, boy. The Riddler.
Batman: Exactly.
Exterior view, he revs up the Batmobile and turns it around. They drive off. Robin speaks from an interior view.
Robin: You figured it out already?
Batman: 3/4ths of a container. There's a storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th street. That would be the Riddler's home base.
Robin: And he's worn out his welcome.
Batman does smile at this.
Scene – outside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th
The Batmobile pulls up and they both jump out. Everything appears to be closed down.
Robin: Appears quiet.
Batman: Stay sharp. Things aren't always as they seem with The Riddler.
Batman's batphone rings and Robin's, too. They both answer their cell phones, giving each other strange looks.
The Riddler's voice: Welcome Batman and Robin to a night of intrigue and an experiment in assumption. I know that both of you are seeking to procure and captivate myself so I offer myself as bait. However, you must play the game appropriately, gentlemen. And I offer you a secondary prize as well. Inside the facility is a riddle that even yourselves cannot pass up. To get to the riddle and the Riddler, you'll have to undo and outsmart my loyal bodyguards.
We see a close up on Batman's face.
The Riddler's voice: Batman, you are welcome to enter the facility from the west side of the building.
We see a close up on Robin's face.
The Riddler's voice: And Boy Wonder, you are welcome to enter the facility from the east side of the building. Let the games begin!
The Riddler then disconnects the call and all they hear are dial tones. They both hang up their matching Batphones.
Robin: Well, partner?
Batman: At this point we have no choice but to play by his rules.
Robin: But we break them at the first chance we get?
Batman smiles again.
Batman: Exactly.
Robin: Then I'll see you. Good luck.
Robin turns and runs off. Batman watches him go.
Batman: You too.
He then turns and runs off in his own direction.
Scene – outside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, west side
Batman arrives at his doorway where there is a small, metal box like a mailbox and a closed door.
The Riddler's voice: Welcome, Caped Crusader. The entrance fee is small and convenient, so I hope you don't mind. Please deposit your utility belt into the metal box to gain entrance.
Batman starts to take off his utility belt.
Scene – outside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
On the other side of the building Robin is also taking off his utility belt.
The Riddler's voice: Don't worry, plenty of tools will be provided for your needs inside, should you care to use them.
Robin places his belt into the metal box and the door begins to open slowly.
Scene – outside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, west side
Batman also places his belt into the metal box and his door also begins to open slowly.
The Riddler's voice: Batman, this is your moment on the Price of Plight! Come on in!
Without his belt, Batman enters the facility and the door slowly closes.
Scene – outside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
Without his belt, Robin has entered the facility and the door closes.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, west side
Batman finds himself in a darkened room with black curtains hanging in front of him. The lights are highlighted with an eerie green glow. In front of him hangs a black cape with a darkened hood on a hook.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
Robin also finds himself in a darkened room with black curtains hanging in front of him. The lights are also highlighted with an eerie green glow. He grabs the black cape with a darkened hood on a hook and inspects it. It has a giant, glittering green question mark on the back.
The Riddler's voice: In order to play you must be dressed the parts. Please don the cape and hood so that we can begin.
Grimacing, Robin puts the hood and cape on.
Robin: What next? Giant, rubber galoshes?
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, west side
Batman is wearing the cape and hood and he does not look like himself anymore.
The Riddler's voice: Welcome! You are now prepared to enter and participate on the Price of Plight!
Ahead of him the black curtains open and Batman enters the next area.
Scene – inside the Riddler's control room
We see the Riddler sitting behind a control board with tv monitors in front of him. One shows Robin and the other shows Batman, dressed in their similar outfits. A microphone is on the desk in front of him. Two of the Riddler's big goons approach him. One has Batman's belt and the other has Robin's belt.
The Riddler: Excellent.
The Riddler takes them from their hands and places them on the control board.
The Riddler: Our Dynamic Duo thinks they are entering a gauntlet but they are actually walking to their doom. Take your places and don't make it easy for them.
The big goons nod and leave. The Riddler turns back to his monitors.
The Riddler: Now, for some rules...
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
Ahead of Robin the black curtains open and he enters the next area. He stands in a small area, also covered with black curtains and assorted weapons. In this room are pipes, chains, and crowbars.
The Riddler's voice: The game is survival and the best man wins. Feel free to use any of the tools available for your use. And now, if you are ready, let the games begin!
A booming sound echoes as loud, rocking music begins to play. The curtain ahead of Robin opens and one of the Riddler's bodyguards enters wearing a similar cape and hood as Robin. They both look exactly the same. The bodyguard quickly picks up a lead pipe and comes swinging at Robin's head.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, west side
Batman is also fighting another bodyguard, who falls back from Batman's fist. The bodyguard hefts up his lead pipe and comes at Batman again, swinging high. Batman ducks underneath and plows an elbow into his face and then silences him with an uppercut.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
Robin dodges his attacker and turns the duck into a footsweep that downs his opponent. Robin then rolls up onto his chest and knocks him out with a quick punch to the face.
The Riddler's voice: Bravo! You are ready to move onto the next phase!
Again, the curtains open and Robin stands to step through.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, west side
Batman enters through the next area and the weapons are different. In this location there are baseball bats, knives, and ?. Another bodyguard steps through and grabs a knife.
The Riddler's voice: And begin!
The attacker lunges at Batman.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
Robin's attacker has swung a baseball bat at his head and Robin is growing tired of this game. Robin steps in, planting an elbow in his face. He then hooks his arm around arm and throws him into the wall.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, west side
Batman grabs the knife as it inches closer to his heart and the two are grappling. At the last moment Batman side-steps the Riddler's bodyguard and makes him slam his fist, wrist, and knife into the wall. Batman backhands his face to loosen him up without letting go of his hand. He then steps to grab and throw him into the wall. The thug does not get up again.
The Riddler's voice: Excellent! Now, onto phase 3!
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
Robin's thug has stood and comes at him again. Robin kicks him with a flying leap kick which topples him back against the wall. The thug drops his baseball bat and Robin picks it up. As the thug tries to get up Robin uses it to put him away to dreamland.
The Riddler's voice: Perfect! Onto phase 3!
The curtain opens and Robin carries the baseball bat with him into the next phase.
Scene – inside the Riddler's control room
The Riddler is rubbing his hands together. On the monitors we see Batman and Robin growing closer together. Again, he has two big goons standing behind him.
The Riddler: They are quickly gaining ground. Soon they will be paired off from each other and they won't even know they are fighting the other.
He turns to his goons.
The Riddler: Go and take your turns. And gentlemen... Make them suffer.
The big goons nod and leave as The Riddler turns back to his screen.
The Riddler: The more tired they are, they harder they'll fight... and the easier they will fall.
Again, we see the screens showing Batman and Robin growing closer together.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
Robin enters through the next area and the weapons have doubled in size. In this location there are swords, axes, and chainsaws. His opponent enters and quickly picks up an ax. Robin hoists up his baseball bat to block as his assailant jumps to bring ax down on top of him.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, west side
Batman enters the next area and again the weapons have doubled in size. In this location there are swords, axes, and chainsaws. His opponent enters and quickly picks up a chainsaw. He brings it to life and rushes at Batman, who jumps back to grab an ax. Batman uses the ax to block the attack and kicks his attacker in the stomach. This doubles him over and Batman hooks the chainsaw blade with his ax and rolls over, forcing the chainsaw blade into the ground. Batman then elbows his attacker back and Batman forces him back further with a side kick. His attacker falls back, holding his gut, and then grabs a sword. Screaming, he rushes at Batman.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
Robin plows a foot in his gut and reaches up to grabs his attacker. He then pulls him over him to slam his head into the wall and then kick him off. Robin abandons the ruined baseball bat and rolls forward, picking up a sword as goes. He walks over to the attacker as he tries to right himself to his feet. The attacker tries to swing the ax at Robin, who forces him back. The thug stands and rushes at Robin again.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, west side
Batman again hooks the opponent's weapon with his ax and then backhands him across the face. The bodyguard swings his sword at Batman, who blocks it with the ax. The bodyguard attacks again and again, forcing Batman to block. The bodyguard slashes at Batman's feet and he looses his footing. Batman falls over and the bodyguard jumps down at him to skewer him open. Using his hands, Batman kicks up at him as the bodyguard comes down, knocking the wind out of him. Batman kicks him against the far wall and rights himself to his feet. Batman then drives a fist into his face, dropping him unconscious to the ground.
Batman: Alright, Riddler. Enough of these games.
The Riddler's voice: Don't loose heart! The last and final phase is before you now!
The curtain opens and Batman carries the ax with him into the next phase.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, east side
The bodyguard slashes once at Robin, twice, and then three times. Robin hops out of the way each times and finally slices his hand with the sword only a little bit to make him drop his ax. A quick snap kick across his face now makes him drop to dreamland, as well. Robin grits his teeth.
Robin: How much longer do we have to do this?
The Riddler's voice: Fear not! Welcome to the last and final phase!
The curtain opens and Robin carries the sword with him into the next phase.
Robin: Good. Let's get this over with.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, center
Robin enters the next area and again the weapons different. In this location there are hand guns, shotguns, and rifles. Batman and Robin don't know it but they are paired off from each other. Because of their hoods and capes they both look like each other. Unsuspecting, they fight each other.
Robin attacks first, rolling to lunge with the sword at Batman, who blocks it out of the way and tries to kick Robin. Robin reaches up and grabs his kick. He stands, trying to throw Batman back but Batman jumps and swings his other leg up for a second kick intended to take out Robin's head. Robin is forced to drop his leg and roll with the kick to avoid being struck. They pair off again and this time Batman attacks first, swinging the ax down at Robin to chop him. Robin rolls out of the way and tries to stick Batman with the sword. Batman blocks and they saber clash for some time, trying to find an opening in each other's defenses. Finally, Batman is able to block Robin's sword attack away from him and drive a side kick into Robin's chest. Robin goes flying back but stops himself. He holds his sword in front of him and drives back at Batman, trying to drive him through. Batman retreats, blocks the sword away and rolls behind him, trying to strike him with a backhand. However, Robin bends as he passes by Batman and back kicks him in the side, forcing Batman into the wall. Robin now spins to face him again. Batman grits his teeth and speaks under his breath.
Batman: Now we end this.
Robin attacks with a flying leap kick which Batman ducks into and uses to grab Robin out of the air. Using his own momentum against him Batman throws him into a corner of the room. Robin hits the corner and there is a clash of glass and Robin falls out of sight. Batman springs into action and throws his body across the floor to reach into the hidden hole in the room. He swings his ax down as Robin swings his sword up and the two weapons get trapped in each other. At the bottom of the trap, deadly spikes are sticking straight up, waiting to impale whatever poor foe fell victim to its grasps. Like an animal, its teeth still await fresh prey. As Robin is hanging there his hood and cape fall off.
Batman: Robin!
Hanging above the teeth Robin looks up.
Robin: Batman! Is that you?
Batman pulls his own hood off.
Robin: Boy, am I glad it's you!
Batman: Give me your hand.
Scene – inside the Riddler's control room
The Riddler is pounding the control board.
The Riddler: No, no, no! They were in my grasp! How can it be?
On the screen before him Batman starts to pull Robin up.
The Riddler: I'm afraid the charade has ended.
He stands from his chair.
Scene - inside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th, center
Batman reaches down and they grab hands. Batman pulls Robin up and it's the weapons that fall into the pit, and not Robin.
Batman: The game is over, Riddler! You've failed. Give yourself up!
The Riddler's voice: Shame shame shame, on you, Batman. You've cheated at my game yet once again. For that I'm afraid you'll never find me.
Robin: Look!
The regular lights then turn on and there is a door in front of them with a large question mark on it. Batman and Robin both run to the door and it doesn't open. They stand back and kick it in.
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility's control room
Batman and Robin both burst into the room. Batman spies the back door as it swings closed.
Batman: There!
They run out through the door...
Scene – inside the storage warehouse facility's storage alley
We get to see The Riddler run into a hallway that is lined with dozens of doors. The Riddler then slips into one of the doors just before Batman and Robin both run into the hallway. They look up and down the hall at the many doors.
Robin: You want to pick a door or should we draw straws?
Batman simply hits the side of the wall with his fist.
Mr. Freeze's story
Scene – outside the storage warehouse facility on 3rd and 4th
One of the large doors on the side of the building opens up and the Dynamic Duo walk out. They both have their belts back on and they walk... into a blistering patch of snow. Robin holds his hands up as snowflakes come trickling down.
Robin: Snow in July? What gives?
A stack of cardboard boxes to the side of them suddenly get flash frozen with a icy-blue blast of cold energy. They look forward as Mr. Freeze stands before him with 3 henchmen at his side.
Mr. Freeze: The cold hand of vengeance is reaching for you, Dark Knight.
He now lowers his ice gun level to Batman's head.
Mr. Freeze: And it cannot be denied it's grasp.
Batman: Look out!
He and Robin both scatter as Mr. Freeze fires again where they both stood and his shot hits the door behind them, freezing it solid with ice. Batman looks up to see Mr. Freeze turn and walk away, leaving this 3 henchmen to come after Batman and Robin. Batman and Robin jump up to engage his henchman and a short fight breaks out. Mr. Freeze walks and stands in the front of the back side of a truck. The truck has a sliding door that is closed. He takes up aim and prepares to fire at them again. Batman calls to Robin.
Batman: He's going to freeze us along with his own men.
Batman now calls to the men they are fighting.
Batman: What boss is worth working for who's willing to sacrifice you?
One of the henchmen backs away from the fight to speak.
Mr. Freeze's Henchman Boss: We've got suits that will help us get free from his freezing ray but you won't escape!
Mr. Freeze is powering his weapon and Batman is forced to make a decision.
Mr. Freeze: Farewell, Batman.
Batman grabs his grappling hook launcher and uses it to uppercut a henchman to get him away from him. He then fires it high to connect to a street lamp. The grappling hook launcher pulls him out of the grasps of the henchmen.
Robin: Batman?
In a last ditch effort to save himself and Robin Batman swings down to kick Mr. Freeze. With a grim smile Mr. Freeze grabs the back of the sliding truck door and pulls it open. Inside the back of the truck is a giant refrigerator-freezer. Batman realizes too late that it's another trap as Mr. Freeze steps aside, aims, and fires at his grappling hook cable. The cable disintegrates into ice, forcing Batman to fall like a stone into the open door of the giant freezer. Batman looks up after shaking his head to clear it and it's starting to get very cold, very quickly. He can already see his breath in front of his face as Mr. Freeze then slams the door on him. As Mr. Freeze walks to the cab of the truck two more henchmen drop down from the top of the truck to close the sliding door again. Mr. Freeze then starts the truck and as Robin still fights to clear himself of the henchmen the truck drives away. The last of the henchmen finally falls and Robin races out to the street... too late – as the truck drives away.
Robin: Batman... no...
ENDING INTENTIONALLY LEFT OUT